I’m not sure if you are familiar with Saturday Night Live and the legendary Chris Farley. A skit of his comes to mind as I begin this blog.
He’s finishing up and they have him on some contraption that suspends him above the crowd. He’s being hilarious and keeps saying, “I’m Flying, I’m flying”.
Recently, I have found my wings.
I woke and wanted to share empowerment this morning.
It seems like so long ago, but in the realm of a life, it really was just a moment. A little over a decade ago, I’m fairly certain I had a nervous breakdown.
I had recently divorced, had been in the midst of a custody battle and had distanced myself from my entire family.
I spent most of my days angry, envious, sad, and tired.
It was this kind of exhaustion I had never felt before and pray I never do again.
Then, one morning, after the kids went off to school and my husband to the office, I broke apart.
I still remember lying on the living room floor, screaming in tears, while my dog licked my face. I must have lied there for hours, sobbing and releasing years of pain.
You know how you have those times in life when it’s almost as if you’ve been punched in the stomach and the wind is knocked out of you?
You can’t breathe, but are suddenly calm. The blow happened so fast, you didn’t see it coming.
And suddenly, out of nowhere…..you are awake.
When I reflect on that morning, I refer to it as the day I answered the “call”.
I got up, made an agreement with myself and God….and everything started to change.
The last ten years have been a shedding process for me.
I came across a quote recently that was picture worthy and has made it to my bulletin board.
“We go through life, we shed our skins, we become ourselves “
It has been a process like no other.
I have found that once you make a decision, the universe, God, and all the guardian angels show up, ready for the battle ahead.
As I have shared in earlier blogs, I made a promise to myself to dig deep, get to the root of my suffering, and change.
It began with my counselor and confronting demons I had only covered up. I felt all the feelings and am only left with the scars now.
Then, I joined a gym and found fitness was this amazing release for my anxiety and anger. It was a healthy habit, unlike alcohol or food.
Then came running, clean eating, self awareness and accountability.
Shortly after my Dad passed away, forgiveness stepped in the door.
I had 2 coaches that were strong and brave enough to deal with me.
And the biggest influencer in my life, standing strong…my husband. This man is a rock and I truly believe, he was sent to me from above 💜
It’s amazing what resources and support can do for another human.
But the biggest game changer in the journey?
Believing in yourself allows you to take on this whole other world. Huh, who knew?
Who knew that through the pain and suffering, I’d find myself.
All those years ago, all I wanted was to feel better and be better. I had no idea that trusting in Gods plan and allowing Him to guide me into where I needed to be and accepting who He brought into my life would lead me here.
I just kept saying “yes”.
Life is phenomenal and limitless if you let it be.
There are so many opportunities and so much happiness to be found.
The shitshow of 2020 gets all the credit for my latest evolution.
I can’t tell you how many times I have been told this in the past year.
At first, it startled me.
Like, “oh gosh, what have I done?”
I’m different? Oh no!
Will I lose friends, clients, my identity?
Yeah, I make myself laugh.
The silence of 2020, especially, around June and July, brought out a familiar form of me.
I recognized that the envious, angry, helpless Linda was emerging.
I watched as my clothes got tighter, from the crap I was filling holes with. I watched as my heart became harder and….you know what?
I stopped it.
I took action.
I went into my garage and began to lift weights. I fell back into the time when I was my healthiest and refused to become lazy in my pursuit of my best life.
I recall asking myself out loud, “ what if this is it?”
For a time, 2020 took away everything that really mattered to me and that was an awakening.
I also realized it cleared a path for me to be strong enough to weed my life garden.
I chose to only allow back in what would bring me closer to my life purpose.
I found this sense of calm…..This child like belief in myself again….and I remembered to LIVE.
That may sound very strange, but many of us are not alive.
We are muddling through each day, waiting for the dreams and the happiness to come to us.
I chose to find those things, even in the midst of the chaos.
I made a decision to be proActive in living happy and chasing down the dreams I had been waiting for.
Since last July, I have never been so fulfilled, felt so much power and am “healthy”.
Tony Robbins says we are either living in suffering or living in health.
Every day comes with challenges and how we decide to accept and address those challenges determines our “state”.
To live a life of health is not easy.
It comes with discipline, it involves difficult decisions and sometimes the hardest part is the shedding. The shedding of people. The shedding of limiting beliefs. The shedding of the shadow you once were.
We are not born to sit in a sedentary state. Just as a planted seed is determined to blossom into a flower, so are we!!!
Growth is uncomfortable for sure, but so very worth it.
I made my a promise to myself over a decade ago to make sure I lived a life of purpose.
I wanted to ensure that the pain I lived through as a child, all the lessons I had learned and all I went through was not in vain.
Growth is messy.
A blog isn’t the place to share the mess.
In today’s society, everyone wants the magic pill. The quick fix, the answer.
My first coach taught me that true change comes from within. Coaches, counselors, mentors are just facilitating. You must do the work.
And statistics show that when the work gets too hard, or in the way of the picture you have painted to the outer world, humans quit and go back to being who they were.
I kept looking for more opportunities for growth.
My second coach and I were working out one day and I was telling him about my “goal”. He flat out told me that he was “excited to hear my words.”
Essentially, he called me a fraud. A poser.
I talked about what I would do but then never did anything.
He taught me that in order for true change to actually occur, one must take Action.
Anyone can SAY they are going to do something. But it takes a brave, determined soul to actually fucking do it.
So I did.
My latest coach is still teaching me.
He is showing me how to show up for opportunities, how to say “yes”, be bold, authentic and patient.
And, I am. 🐺
Here’s the thing, friends.
Change. Evolution. A piece of sand becoming a pearl.
That shit doesn’t happen because you have announced it on Facebook or told a few friends.
You don’t lose weight because you “said” you wanted to.
You don’t get the promotion because you “thought “ about it.
And you don’t run across the marathon finish line because you bought the awesome running shoes!
You must do the work.
Can I be real for a moment?
Shits only fucked up on the outside because of the garbage on the inside.
Give that bag of trash to God and start over!
A caterpillar doesn’t develop its wings for a very long time time.
They make a plan, prepare and go into seclusion alone to make the change.
And, when they emerge, they are majestic and beautiful.
The success is in the mess. That’s where we learn the lesson.
That’s where we find ourselves.
I am nearing the corner of the greatest part of my life.
I am ready to grow, empower and Fly.
For the first time in 46 years, I’m leaving the parachute at home because I finally believe in my own Wings.
You wanna know a secret?
If you make a promise to yourself today, and do the work, you’ll grow wings too!!
Have a blessed day.
Dig deep, find your shit. Address it. Find the support of others. Learn from those who are already where you want to be.
And most importantly?
In the midst of it all, LOVE and LIVE like it’s your last day.
And remember, you too can FLY.
Much love and joy,