Maybe that’s what my readers should be saying to me. I have been “absent” from my days and I am finally back.
It has been a long ass Month. Let me tell you.
I mean, I had my goals written down, my schedule prepped for the weeks ahead and a fool proof gameplan for unstoppable success.
And then, life took back control. And I had to remember “who” was really in charge.
You know, you think you can prepare yourself. You think all the physical and mental work will be at your beck and call.
Then, your heart gets in the way and screws it all up. Let’s just say, I knew I had to grieve.
We don’t get back to our Power without first going through the PAIN.
I felt it.
And I learned some life lessons along the way. Remember, every ounce of struggle is an opportunity to grow.
I felt the call to write about the past 25 days or so and share some lessons , well, about this thing we refer to as LIFE.
In 25 days, I was reminded of it’s fragility. Of it’s uncertainty and just how very precious it truly is.
All from some very unrelated subjects and people.
We seem to move through each day flawlessly. The minutes and hours blend into days, routines, developed schedules and months. And for whatever reason, time flies by, but yet…there never seems to be enough.
I often hear(and use) the phrase,” I can’t make it, we are so busy”, or “let’s make a plan” (6 weeks out). Well, with what I have learned and have been awakened to in the last 25 days….I will be making every effort to live life NOW.
My husband’s family has been traveling to Door County for an extended Christmas vacation for many years now. This year was no different. Same cabin, same games, amazing memories, loving life, and family.
A few weeks before the holidays, I was contacted by one of my siblings, letting me know my Dad was not well and he was placed in hospice care. My father and I have not spoken or seen one another for almost 8 years due to many previous and recurring toxic events. I distanced myself to save myself and break the vicious cycle. I always thought that the day I would “get the news” of my parents passing or being ill, it wouldn’t affect me, as I hadn’t seen them in so many years.
Boy, was I wrong.
It knocked me on my ass.
I didn’t realize that all of the years we had missed would hit me so hard. So much time had been wasted, and now, that time was quickly running out.
My first reaction, as you can imagine, was panic. “What do I do?” “Do I go see him and say my goodbyes?”
But, in the quiet Moments of prayer, I realized, I had done so many years prior.
It’s a long, chaotic story of the how’s and whys, but just keep this part tucked away for now.
In the midst of hearing the news about my Dad, my oldest daughter had reached out to my Mom and sister to find out where he was. They wouldn’t tell her. In their cyclone of anger, they took away the opportunity for my daughter to see her Grandpa, maybe for the last time.
We moved past it, as we do. And accepted things for what they were.
My oldest son said it best. He said,”why don’t you just wait to see Grandpa on the other side someday?” That calmed us and brought peace back into our hearts.
The tables turned on us, however, when we found out that he was in the hospital in our city. My Mom and sister took away our right to visit him….and he was only minutes away!
Once we found that out, my daughter and I decided we would go visit him after the First of the year, when we had returned from vacation.
But, God had a different plan in place.
As we were leaving the area to head home, we got the call. My Dad passed away on December 31st. Time had run out.
That was Lesson #1.
Upon grieving and working through this beautiful, chaotic, confusing mess of grief, I learned that some former clients of mine were about to go “into battle”.
I am a Realtor. That in itself should say it all. I am a Mom, Counselor, Educator, Trusted Advisor, Advocate and ultimately…..Friend. I go through a huge life changing event with each person and we bond. To say that this couple was any different, would be untrue.
When I met them, they were this beautiful, young couple; set to be married, excited about their new journey.
That was Only 3 years ago.
And now, the young husband learns he has cancer, after an emergency room visit one night. They had also found out they were expecting.
I wish I could tell you the story had a happy ending…..he lost his battle with cancer just the other day and their baby also passed away. Tragedy. Unimaginable loss.
Now, she is left with a life…..changed in moments… and turned upside down. It all happened….within a moment.
That was Lesson #2
Then, on a completely separate note, I didn’t “show up” for my assignment last week.
If you have read “The Universe Has Your Back” by Gabby Bernstein, you’ll know what I mean. If not, let me explain.
The “universe”, God, your creator…whatever you may believe, invites you, opens doors for you, shows you who you are created to be, need to be, and CAN be. We, as humans, tend to be blind and sometimes, ignore the signs.
My definition of “blind” is afraid, weak, fearful. Those emotions and LOVE cannot coexist.
I didn’t show up for an opportunity and freaked out when I thought it was missed.
Luckily, it wasn’t. I was open enough to “see” it and grab on in a different way. In this instance, there was still “time”.
This was Lesson #3.
So many lessons, so much education, in so little time. Just 25 DAYS!
That’s where I have been, friends.
Rerouted. Still. Receiving. Healing. Grateful.
Lesson #1, showed me that I have FORGIVEN my Father and released my past completely and fully. I have found so much collateral beauty after his passing. He is finally at rest.
A new relationship with my oldest brother, a confirmation of “why” I had the childhood I did, and the knowledge that my Dad and I loved one another. Funny how the things I once despised(country music songs we used to sing) have brought me comfort and joy.
Beautiful, precious release.
And, absolute PEACE.
I couldn’t understand it all when I was young. But, it has been shown to me now. It was all for a reason. That reason, was NOW.
My journey through my past led me to seek out a way to help others “like me”. I signed up for a coaching class last August and received my Certification this November, just days before I received the news of my Dad’s condition. And, I knew it was time.
Not only will I continue to be a FULL time Realtor, but I have decided to share my gift of healing with others. My mission is to heal adults from childhood trauma, with my experience and knowledge. To Renovate others from the inside out, so they, too, may Rise. 🦋
And, the beauty is that this GIFT would not be a part of me without the climb I had to take to be who I am today.
And I am thankful for the journey.
And Lesson #2….
My client’s journey revealed to me how very precious our time here is. And how unpredictable each minute, hour, day can…and will be.
It reminded me to grab each opportunity, loved one, friend, moment. And to not be AFRAID. To love big, crazy, and without regard. So look out friends and family!💋
And to be PRESENT….more than ever before. Because the “What ifs” encircled my head and the “How would I handle this” hammered at my heart.
I will be HERE, NOW, in THIS moment….so if this is the last MOMENT , I will have lived it well💜
And Lesson #3…
Well, I learned that I need to get out of my own way. My husband will smile at that. He’s been telling me that phrase for YEARS. And, I finally understand what it really means in my world.
So, I’m back💥💥💥
In all sorts of amazing, enlightened ways.
My empathy, compassion and true understanding for others has been amplified. And my quest for my BEST SELF and fulfillment of my ULTIMATE PURPOSE solidified.
I’m starting the NEW YEAR today, January 24, 2018….and I know that is ok.
It took 25 days of being knocked down, caught off guard, carried back to gratitude and healing, to get me to the top of my mountain.
I’m back on top…..and the view???? It is BREATHTAKING ☀️☀️☀️
As I sometimes say, “Shit’s about to get real”
My eyes are open, my running shoes are on and I am ready to MOVE✅
See the beauty in it all. The struggle. The pain.
“No more sadness, no more pain. Only peace and love remain “❤
Thanks for all the lessons….I “get it” now.