And, so, that’s where I have been….

1. Before I begin this, I want to Give all of the Glory to God, Our Lord and Savior.

The Almighty.

From whom all blessings flow♥️

2. Ladies, I want you to find a support system, an amazing Dr. that will actually LISTEN… and I want you to listen to the whispers.

Our bodies are always talking to us.

Did you know that?

From the tinge of pain, the occasional headache, the sleepless night, to the anxiety.

Always communicating.

It seems that the busier we get these days, many of us are not listening and that can cause problems in so many ways.

I sometimes picture myself, sitting in a circle of chairs with a group of women, ADMITTING…

“My name is Linda and I am Perimenopausal.

Ugh!

Who’s with me?!

I am 47 years old. A successful business woman, mother of 4, wife of a rockstar, and sometimes…

I think my body is attacking me.

I had a conversation with my youngest son some time ago. We were discussing health and supplements. Somewhere in the discussion, I said, “You know it’s not normal to be in pain…right?” Yet, so many people move through life in a cloud of Tylenol and Ibuprofen. Supplements include caffeine, Red Bull, or whatever gets them through the day.

Ladies and Gentlemen….this is not ok.

My menopausal journey has been pretty quiet. A few irrational days, a few extra products, a bit more emotional (although my husband may choose different words), and not much to “hear”.

I consider myself a proactive person in regards to my health. I attribute my all encompassing protection of my body to my childhood; as back then, my own health and fitness was the only thing I could control.

It’s gonna get a little graphic here, so if you can’t handle it, turn back now….

I had been telling my husband for a couple of months that I felt “off”. My emotions were out of whack, my body was extra tired.

Just off.

I have been training for a half marathon I planned to run in September and therefore, running 13-15 miles a week, along with 2-3 heavy duty weight lifting days on top. My job has been out of control for many months. Long hours, hectic schedule and all that good stuff.

Somewhere along the line, I stopped listening to her…she, my greatest treasure…the one who houses my soul.

The 2-3 cups of coffee weren’t kicking in, I wasn’t recovering from the workouts and the runs?….why wasn’t I improving? It was like I was always running uphill!!

A couple months ago, I started having “issues” after my weightlifting workouts. Breakthrough bleeding is what it is referred to. It is common for someone competing or really pushing their body to the limit, but I can assure you…I was not.

It happened a few more times. But, I had to keep training and so I pushed on.

Why, oh why do we do that ???

A couple weeks ago, it happened again and her whisper was loud.

Not only did I have that, but I felt as though I had gained 10 pounds overnight, had a headache I couldn’t shake and had the potential need for a bigger bra.

What on earth was happening?

Normally, I would push on and push it off onto menopause.

Google Perimenopause and you’ll find all those symptoms.

But, I chose to sit for a moment that Tuesday and just listen.

I called my husband to let him know what was wrong and we decided it was time to call my Dr.

I gave the nurse the rundown and was gently prompted to set up an ultrasound and a thyroid test

Wait, What?!!!!

I just have some breakthrough bleeding…I don’t have time for this.

And worse, could something be wrong????

My panic set in as I wondered what I missed. What did I do wrong to my poor girl?

Did I not love and care for her the way she needed me to?

Long story short, the ultrasound showed something that got the Drs attention and he ordered a biopsy of my uterus.

My thyroid also came back messed up.

Ladies, do you know how many hours I have spent on google the last few weeks and what that will do to you?!

Ugh.

But, I’ll tell ya what.

I also read an amazing book that I had recently pulled out of hiding. A book that my beautiful daughter shared with me years ago. But, when she gave it to me, I was feeling level and good, so why even read it right?

It’s called Woman Code.

And it was a gift from above.

Before my appointment, I read the whole damn thing.

It was incredibly eye opening.

I realize I am also experiencing adrenal fatigue…and if you hold a job, live a life, or are breathing and in your 40s, well, you may be too.

My point is we have to listen.

We have to love and respect the house of our soul.

Did you realize that what you are doing TODAY, for example, what you are putting in your body, how often you move it, and how you handle stress determines your future health?

So why are so many of ignoring the whispers?

She is talking to you all the time!

I am so grateful for my intimate relationship with my body. For my intuitive nature and for being proactive.

It’s been a long few weeks, my friends.

From the full day crying in my bed, the brain fog, and the dark what if’s.

I’m 47 and for the first time in my life, I was truly afraid.

I’m sharing this all here as I want to bring awareness to women all over.

Ladies, we have to slow down. We have to give our bodies what they need.

We have to remember that we know ourselves better than anyone.

And we have to listen to her whispers.

To double back, my biopsy was healthy and Clear. No precancer or cancer. Just some Perimenopausal ovaries short circuiting and confusing my body.

Praise you, Lord Jesus.

It was as if a heavy black curtain was lifted off of me.

And, so, that is where I have been.

In my head, under the covers in my bed, drifting through the present, and the what if’s.

I also was deep in prayer.

Sitting alone with God.

Walking with Him…literally.

Trying to find the lesson the Master was showing me. In His wisdom, so much gratitude and appreciation was brought to light.

An awakening.

For my husband, my health, my children, my beautiful friends and support system, my dog, my in laws and my mom.

For the friends who prayed with me, had lunch with me, and were open enough to share their stories with me.

And my Doctor.

He is one of a kind.

Listens, acts quickly and with compassion.

God is Good🙏

He may take us through some troubled waters, but never without His hand.

I also spent hours researching, reading, reaching out to other women, and thanking God for bringing me to fitness and running.

Who knows…maybe my workouts saved my life.

When my normal workout recovery was suddenly different, I heard her call.

I acted fast and my Dr did too.

Ladies, if you are over 40, get the check ups!!!!!

Take the time.

Do the research on adrenal fatigue and how it raises cortisol levels and suppresses progesterone.

Do the research on estrogen dominance.

Do the research on why your thyroid is off.

Why the irregularities?

The headache?

The fatigue?

It can just be Perimenopause, but man, oh man….what else could it be?

Through this, I remembered to allow myself Grace.

I give it to so many others. Why not me?

My plan is to go forward with gratitude, healing foods, lighter fitness goals, and float through my menopause journey with God as my pilot.

For He will direct my path 💜

God is Good, Ladies.

All the Time🙏

Check in with “her” today and again tomorrow.

Ask her what she needs, how she feels, what she’s missing.

And love her. Love her like she means everything to you. Because she is everything 💜

Here’s to Good Health and Mighty Faith, sisters.

In Jesus name, Amen 🙏

As one of my soul brothers says,

Mucho Love,

Linda 💜

In my time, I hope you know

In my time, I hope you know….

That your life here has forever changed mine.

I clearly remember what I was doing that day.

I texted a dear friend about a karaoke contest I was in.

The text I got back has forever changed the course of events.

She replied, “Can I get back to you? I’m in the ER.”

Later that month, she was diagnosed with liver cancer.

What has transposed over the course of 9 months is what I refer to as an awakening.

This is published with her permission and after her review.

I know a lot of people and I have seen a lot of things.

But the past 6 months have opened my eyes to who I am as a human, the impact I am leaving on this earth, and how incredibly precious time truly is.

We all talk about “living in the moment”, we share the quotes on Facebook about time, but until it knocks on your front door and you are forced to open it, it’s a bunch of bullshit.

We take it for granted every single day.

This past spring, we got the message that another dear friend of ours had fallen ill.

Mysteriously and suddenly.

I don’t even know how to pronounce or spell what his body has been stricken with.

He also has given me his permission and has reviewed this blog.

And once again, time was at the door, banging loudly.

I remember laughing with our secretary before our vacation a couple of years ago.

She never made it back to the office again.

While we were away, she drove herself to the ER, as she was in terrible pain.

She fought until the end….she allowed me to be a part of her intimate journey, and view the world through her eyes …and because of her battle and her deep faith, I was never the same.

Have you caught yourself saying “I’ll get to that later”, “I will meet for coffee another day”, “I’ll call to make amends another time”…

Later.

Another day.

Another time.

What has been revealed cannot be undone.

And what has been left undone…well, there is only so much time.

My eyes have a new vision, because of the journey of these 3 souls.

I have watched an ordinary Tuesday become the unimaginable.

A diagnosis is a stopwatch being started…the clock has started ticking and there is now a potential expiration of time.

We don’t always appreciate the time we have been given.

We are all so busy working towards retirement, running on the hamster wheel, or taxiing kids that life just seems to go on auto pilot.

Until the day you can’t do these things anymore.

There’s the unexplained pain.

The crushing fatigue.

The words that rock your world until you go numb.

I have always believed that God uses us.

Actually, it’s one of my daily prayers.

Each morning, I sit and pray,

“God, how would you use me today?”

He uses us in all sorts of ways.

From messengers to servants, guides, protectors, and ….Instruments.

And I believe these 3 souls are being called to show Us how to LIVE and how to value our TIME.

Early on, my husband told our dear friend that she had been given a gift.

The gift of SIGHT.

“You will now be able to see things in a way very few people will ever get to see them”.

Think of this.

Have you ever been given something that everyone had?

In this case, time.

We all have it.

And because it is so common and ordinary, you took it for granted or threw it away?

It is only when you can have just a small portion of it, or it is taken from you , that the true value is seen.

And then, it can be too late.

I want these 3 souls to know that they have made a difference.

I want the world to know that their struggles have impacted me.

And, because of them, my view of time has been forever altered.

I no longer hold back forgiveness, love or understanding.

I may not have enough time.

I no longer wait for the next opportunity, for tomorrow, or another day.

I may not have enough time.

I have never cared so deeply, appreciated so many small things, and used the words “I Love you” so freely.

My heart needed to share these words and their inspiration with the world.

Their struggles are being fought with Grace, Strength, Dignity, and a Faith that can move mountains.

And, I , for one, am in awe.

My faith has been transformed and I have been blessed to see our God at work in this world through the lives of these 3 extraordinary people.

And, I don’t know that I will ever witness such beauty again.

So, I dedicate these words to my beautiful sister, K.

To my brother, S.

And to my Jul, who I will never forget.

In my time, I hope you know,

Your life has forever changed mine.

For the eyes that may read this and the hearts ready to hear Him,

Look and Listen.

For the Instruments of His band are all around. ♥️

With the utmost respect, sincerity, and love,

Linda

What if I fly?

I’m not sure if you are familiar with Saturday Night Live and the legendary Chris Farley. A skit of his comes to mind as I begin this blog.

He’s finishing up and they have him on some contraption that suspends him above the crowd. He’s being hilarious and keeps saying, “I’m Flying, I’m flying”.

Recently, I have found my wings.

I woke and wanted to share empowerment this morning.

It seems like so long ago, but in the realm of a life, it really was just a moment. A little over a decade ago, I’m fairly certain I had a nervous breakdown.

I had recently divorced, had been in the midst of a custody battle and had distanced myself from my entire family.

I spent most of my days angry, envious, sad, and tired.

It was this kind of exhaustion I had never felt before and pray I never do again.

Then, one morning, after the kids went off to school and my husband to the office, I broke apart.

I still remember lying on the living room floor, screaming in tears, while my dog licked my face. I must have lied there for hours, sobbing and releasing years of pain.

You know how you have those times in life when it’s almost as if you’ve been punched in the stomach and the wind is knocked out of you?

You can’t breathe, but are suddenly calm. The blow happened so fast, you didn’t see it coming.

And suddenly, out of nowhere…..you are awake.

When I reflect on that morning, I refer to it as the day I answered the “call”.

I got up, made an agreement with myself and God….and everything started to change.

The last ten years have been a shedding process for me.

I came across a quote recently that was picture worthy and has made it to my bulletin board.

“We go through life, we shed our skins, we become ourselves “

It has been a process like no other.

I have found that once you make a decision, the universe, God, and all the guardian angels show up, ready for the battle ahead.

As I have shared in earlier blogs, I made a promise to myself to dig deep, get to the root of my suffering, and change.

It began with my counselor and confronting demons I had only covered up. I felt all the feelings and am only left with the scars now.

Then, I joined a gym and found fitness was this amazing release for my anxiety and anger. It was a healthy habit, unlike alcohol or food.

Then came running, clean eating, self awareness and accountability.

Shortly after my Dad passed away, forgiveness stepped in the door.

I had 2 coaches that were strong and brave enough to deal with me.

And the biggest influencer in my life, standing strong…my husband. This man is a rock and I truly believe, he was sent to me from above 💜

It’s amazing what resources and support can do for another human.

But the biggest game changer in the journey?

Belief.

Believing in yourself allows you to take on this whole other world. Huh, who knew?

Who knew that through the pain and suffering, I’d find myself.

All those years ago, all I wanted was to feel better and be better. I had no idea that trusting in Gods plan and allowing Him to guide me into where I needed to be and accepting who He brought into my life would lead me here.

I just kept saying “yes”.

Life is phenomenal and limitless if you let it be.

There are so many opportunities and so much happiness to be found.

The shitshow of 2020 gets all the credit for my latest evolution.

I can’t tell you how many times I have been told this in the past year.

“You’ve changed”.

At first, it startled me.

Like, “oh gosh, what have I done?”

I’m different? Oh no!

Will I lose friends, clients, my identity?

Yeah, I make myself laugh.

The silence of 2020, especially, around June and July, brought out a familiar form of me.

I recognized that the envious, angry, helpless Linda was emerging.

I watched as my clothes got tighter, from the crap I was filling holes with. I watched as my heart became harder and….you know what?

I stopped it.

I took action.

I went into my garage and began to lift weights. I fell back into the time when I was my healthiest and refused to become lazy in my pursuit of my best life.

I recall asking myself out loud, “ what if this is it?”

For a time, 2020 took away everything that really mattered to me and that was an awakening.

I also realized it cleared a path for me to be strong enough to weed my life garden.

I chose to only allow back in what would bring me closer to my life purpose.

I found this sense of calm…..This child like belief in myself again….and I remembered to LIVE.

That may sound very strange, but many of us are not alive.

We are muddling through each day, waiting for the dreams and the happiness to come to us.

I chose to find those things, even in the midst of the chaos.

I made a decision to be proActive in living happy and chasing down the dreams I had been waiting for.

Since last July, I have never been so fulfilled, felt so much power and am “healthy”.

Tony Robbins says we are either living in suffering or living in health.

Every day comes with challenges and how we decide to accept and address those challenges determines our “state”.

To live a life of health is not easy.

It comes with discipline, it involves difficult decisions and sometimes the hardest part is the shedding. The shedding of people. The shedding of limiting beliefs. The shedding of the shadow you once were.

We are not born to sit in a sedentary state. Just as a planted seed is determined to blossom into a flower, so are we!!!

Growth is uncomfortable for sure, but so very worth it.

I made my a promise to myself over a decade ago to make sure I lived a life of purpose.

I wanted to ensure that the pain I lived through as a child, all the lessons I had learned and all I went through was not in vain.

Growth is messy.

A blog isn’t the place to share the mess.

In today’s society, everyone wants the magic pill. The quick fix, the answer.

My first coach taught me that true change comes from within. Coaches, counselors, mentors are just facilitating. You must do the work.

And statistics show that when the work gets too hard, or in the way of the picture you have painted to the outer world, humans quit and go back to being who they were.

I didn’t.

I kept looking for more opportunities for growth.

My second coach and I were working out one day and I was telling him about my “goal”. He flat out told me that he was “excited to hear my words.”

Essentially, he called me a fraud. A poser.

I talked about what I would do but then never did anything.

He taught me that in order for true change to actually occur, one must take Action.

Anyone can SAY they are going to do something. But it takes a brave, determined soul to actually fucking do it.

So I did.

My latest coach is still teaching me.

He is showing me how to show up for opportunities, how to say “yes”, be bold, authentic and patient.

And, I am. 🐺

Here’s the thing, friends.

Change. Evolution. A piece of sand becoming a pearl.

That shit doesn’t happen because you have announced it on Facebook or told a few friends.

You don’t lose weight because you “said” you wanted to.

You don’t get the promotion because you “thought “ about it.

And you don’t run across the marathon finish line because you bought the awesome running shoes!

You must do the work.

Inside.

And, First.

Can I be real for a moment?

Shits only fucked up on the outside because of the garbage on the inside.

Give that bag of trash to God and start over!

A caterpillar doesn’t develop its wings for a very long time time.

They make a plan, prepare and go into seclusion alone to make the change.

And, when they emerge, they are majestic and beautiful.

The success is in the mess. That’s where we learn the lesson.

That’s where we find ourselves.

I am nearing the corner of the greatest part of my life.

Imago🦋

I am ready to grow, empower and Fly.

For the first time in 46 years, I’m leaving the parachute at home because I finally believe in my own Wings.

You wanna know a secret?

If you make a promise to yourself today, and do the work, you’ll grow wings too!!

Have a blessed day.

Dig deep, find your shit. Address it. Find the support of others. Learn from those who are already where you want to be.

And most importantly?

In the midst of it all, LOVE and LIVE like it’s your last day.

And remember, you too can FLY.

Much love and joy,

Linda🦋

I can see clearly now….

A picture came up on my Facebook timeline this morning of my mother in law and I at the grocery store at 6am.

It was the first day of shut down in our area and we were making sure we had enough of everything.

The uncertainty that morning was haunting, causing my insides to tremble.

I was trying to find humor and positivity in the midst of a strange time, and I did for a moment.

I don’t think my mind, heart or soul was prepared for 2020. I’m not really sure any of ours were.

My husband and I thought maybe we’d be shut down for 6 weeks. Maybe 8…but then life would go back to normal and we’d all talk about the “shutdown” of 2020.

….little did I know.

Like many, 2020 was life altering for me.

I went into the pandemic fearful.

I was so paralyzed by the fear of losing my family or friends, what the virus could do, where it was, how we got it.

There were so many unknowns.

Living with ptsd and severe anxiety, last year could have leveled me.

So, I made a decision the 1st day the state closed to take control over 3 things in my life.

1. I will continue to run.

2. I will continue to work.

3. I promise to LIVE through this.

Those 3 promises saved me.

They brought me back to center when life was swirling out of control.

I ran.

I ran in my favorite park, on my favorite trail. I said hello, smiled and wave to those I passed by. I showed up and took care of my mental and spiritual health.

I worked.

There were some days I was nervous to show up. In my line of work, I show homes. Going into others spaces was a big step. Respect was at an all time level. I didn’t want to put my clients, the sellers, or myself at risk for the virus.

Early on, if you recall, they didn’t even know how it was passed. But, still I showed up.

My clients zest to go on with life, dreams and goals allowed me to be stronger. I am so blessed by them.

I LIVED.

Now, friends, this was the hard part. Like, really hard.

I can’t see my children, my mom, my in laws, my dear friends. I couldn’t go out for a gin, I couldn’t go to a movie, out to dinner or do the “normal” things my life was made up of for 46 years.

There was one day, I was about to shower and I broke.

Like someone hit me with a club behind the knees.

Fell to the floor and screamed.

Why get ready?

What am I showing up for?

That morning, I lost the most important tool of human life.

HOPE 💜

It had been a few months and the world just seemed darker.

I was still running, but now, when I passed by another, they turned away. No one waved or said hello anymore.

My business was still good, but one has to find more in life to look forward to then work and chores.

That’s when I decided there was MORE.

More than the day to day grind.

Before the pandemic, I feel like I lived a very full life. In the midst of it, I asked myself what it was full of.

Was I truly LIVING or just SPENDING TIME?

What if this was it?

The last day, week or year of my time here?

Was I happy how I LIVED it? Was my time here spent well?

With those questions in front of me, I made a decision.

Growing up in an alcoholic home, I lived in FEAR and uncertainty. Chaos was a daily vitamin.

I decided that day, somewhere in July, to move past the fear.

Any fear.

If this is it, how can I make the biggest impact with the time I have been given?

I’ll tell you how…

I became Present.

I took more time with my loved ones and truly engaged.

I became grateful for every crisis, broken water pipe, flat tire, and every moment. I realized it’s all part of the lesson we are here for.

I chose(which is a huge word for me) I CHOSE to be authentic and raw.

I shed people and places and THINGS.

2020 was a release of everything in my life that was still clinging to the old me.

The old recordings,

the people I shrunk for,

the expectations of society,

and I finally was freed up enough to be ME.

I don’t think I really knew how to be.

Authentically ME.

My husband and I moved twice in the midst of the pandemic. Once to a tiny home, where I had to donate and give away most of my things.

Then, after 8 months, we moved to a more suitable space where our family could gather and we could spread our wings.

A funny thing happened in that transition.

I gave more “things” away.

I had grown so much that I no longer needed to fill space.

“Filling space“, meaning; with people, material items or noise.

I found solace in the gratitude of living my life.

There’s an older song (probably a classic now) by Nickelback. “If today was your last day”.

Give it a listen today.

I have it on my running playlist as a reminder to live for today.

If there is anything at all that 2020 gifted me….

It is to LOVE deeper, be GRATEFUL for everything and to just fucking LIVE 💥

We get this one, big, beautiful moment here.

Why the hell would you ever play by someone else’s rules?

Anyway, thanks for reading.

I hope 2021 has brought you clarity, respect, health and peace.

I pray the storm of COVID-19 came to clear our path♥️

Health. Love. Happiness.

To

All.

Much love,

Linda 💜

Thanksgiving is Every day

We must make a Choice to See the Light through the Darkness

I have found that once you start being grateful for every little thing in your life, something changes.

It really does.

Like, this veil lifts off of your eyes and you see absolutely every human, animal, day, and act in a different light.

Ever have a day when nothing seems to go right?

Oh ya, we all have.

Most seem to dwell on the spilled cup of coffee that morning, the flat tire they walked out to after work, or all of things NOT going right in their lives.

But, what if ???

What if you flipped your perspective to see these slow downs, the unplanned, the “problems” as gifts?

What if you gave thanks for virtually every occurrence in your day?

Now, reflect about this…..does the day tend to improve or decline even further?

How would that change the outcome?

Do things always just seem to go wrong for some?

“So and so” just seems to have the worst luck”….sound familiar?

What if your negative thoughts are actually shaping your life?

And if they were positive, would that promote positive change?

I came to ponder this in the past year.

And, I found the answer to be…

YES💜

When the shutdown happened, I became very distraught. Wondering how I would get through it, concerned for my family and friends, and just feeling helpless in general. To get out of my funk, I decided to find 10 things each day that brought me JOY. They were sometimes very small, but allowed me to see the GOOD that still existed in my life.

It could be something like a phone conversation with my Mom, the sun shining, the squirrel outside the window, or just the fact that I awoke to live another day.

One day, while on a run, I began to tear up, wondering how life had gotten so full, that I had taken those gifts for granted.

That’s when my life began to change.

When I was growing up, God blessed me with the gift of gratitude.

I grew up in an alcoholic home and we seemed to always be struggling to get “air”. Whether that be food, clothes or normalcy.

I seemed to somehow navigate through those early years. Looking back, I realized it was my daily gratitude that allowed me to survive.

No matter how difficult the day would be, I grabbed a piece of positivity.

The extra slice of pizza at lunch in 6th grade, the new friend, a package of Oreos….and all those “small” gratitudes seemed to keep me afloat.

My Grandma(Groom, as we called her) helped me find the Bible at a very young age.

I didn’t always know what I was reading, but I recognized how it made me feel.

Grateful, Safe and at Peace.

As a young adult, I also found the silver linings in all that “went wrong”.

Now, I realize, it was going so very right.

My ask this Thanksgiving is for every soul on this earth to find just ONE thing to be THANKFUL for. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Thank The Universe, God, whatever you believe…for who you are, what you have been through, and for what you have.

Someone, somewhere, has less than you. Someone, somewhere has more.

But, just maybe, for one day, you can be happy with where you are at.

Meet yourself there.

Open your damn eyes and SEE ….

And then, wake tomorrow and LOOK for the GOOD again. And the next day….you get the point.

Things will be a little different for many this Thanksgiving day.

But what if our Gratitude for the simple things could bring us all to the same table for the day?

Changing your perspective WILL change your life.

Be Grateful.

Be Good.

Be Blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving, dear ones.

May you only see the Light 💡

Much Love,

Linda 💜

Give it to Him♥️

2020.

A year for the record books…am I right?

A pandemic, a worldwide shutdown, a virus that is devastating lives, and so much uncertainty.

I don’t know about all of you out there, but sometimes, the days are very heavy.

Hopelessness creeps in, anxiety, and all sorts of other debris that takes me over.

This past week was very heavy for me.

It’s an uninvited emptiness that overstays it’s welcome.

Tony Robbins talks of the 5 Basic Human Needs, with Certainty being one of those. If there is anything that I have come to accept in 2020, it is that I crave this in my life. And, as most of us have experienced, there really isn’t much of that at all this year.

Except, there is.

In God. ♥️

This past week was like a loaded gun that held all the bullets until it decided to go off all at once. Friends reaching out in sadness and despair, the virus creeping closer, feelings of helplessness, and more unrest.

It was a rough one for sure.

And still, He remained…close to me…ready to envelope my heart and calm my fears.

I had an interesting encounter that produced a strange reaction in me.

I was sitting at a stoplight the other day, maybe a touch close to the line, but not at all too far out. As I sat in my car, an older man began to walk across the crosswalk. Both hands in his pockets, glasses, all seemed ordinary.

Until he stopped, turned to scowl at me, and kicked my car!

It all happened so quickly, I was taken back and just muttered something and waved.

I didn’t know what to do.

My afterthought was to honk my horn, or roll down my window and give him a “sign”!

But, as the light turned green and I drove away, I realized I had tears streaming down my face.

That man was hurting.

And that made me sad.

He was in some sort of pain and I would not mirror his behavior by throwing more hurt into his pile.

That day, I listened to my heart and chose Love…..

When I arrived home, I just sat in my driveway and cried.

A phrase from “Titanic” came to mind.

If you’ve seen that movie, you may recall Kathy Bate’s line when she was scolded for trying to fit more people on the boats…

“I don’t understand a one of ya”.

That’s been me the past couple of weeks.

There are so many times this year, I stand in awe.

There is so much disconnect and anger in the air, not just this virus, my friends.

I realized in those moments, that I am more afraid of what the last 6 months are doing to the hearts of the world…. than Covid-19.

We have to try to rise up and live each day in Love.

As I run, very few people make eye contact.

Very few smile.

And almost no one engages.

The day of my half marathon, an older man was walking alone on the trail. Coffee in hand, along with some leaves he was collecting along the way.

He sheepishly looked up as I ran by, clearly not expecting a connection.

So, I smiled and wished him a good morning.

And, then, I heard him still talking to me so I turned around and we chatted briefly about the colors and the beautiful day.

His eyes lit up.

Human interaction and some form of normalcy!

Giving someone your time.

That’s a form of Love and it’s free to give to all.

I haven’t written in awhile as my soul has been weary. And I usually only write when I feel the “call”…

I woke this morning at 5:30am, and well, here we are.

I feel very strongly that the healing of the world will begin if each of us could just look inside.

If we could find the courage to confront our demons, take accountability for our actions, and stop trying to control the outcome.

If we could just learn to Give it to Him.

I read a book, many years ago, titled “Give it to God”. It was simple, yet life changing for me.

In one chapter, it had you visualize yourself carrying your burdens up to Him. I shared what I “saw” with my children all those years ago. Myself, dragging a big, tattered garbage bag up to the top of a mountain and handing it over to my Lord…and then falling to my knees in absolute relief.

Pretty detailed, I know.

However, that analogy has served me well….many times.

So, again, I share…..

The photo up above came across my screen the other day and it instantly calmed me.

We must try to remember this…..

“Lord, you are the only one who can”

He can move mountains, walk on water, raise the dead.

He can cure the sick, take away the anger, and carry these burdens for us, my friends.

We just have to Ask.

As I took some time yesterday to come to my mat to calm my mind, I asked.

I asked for Him to hold the suffering close, place His protective arms around us, and heal this world.

I believe He can.

We have all had a deep wound some time in our lives.

The initial injury, the blood, the pain.

Then, there’s the cleansing of the wound, the healing and the newly formed skin.

That is 2020, my friends.

We have been shaken to be awakened.

We must open our eyes to who we are inside.

We must become aware of how our lives impact others.

We must accept the changes and Grow.

There is still so much love and beauty to be shared, seen, and accepted.

If we could just give all of our fears and doubts to Him and see each day, each human, each lesson…

Through the eyes of Love ❤️.

There’s the elderly lady filling the book box with food, the teacher giving everything she has to her students, the doctors/chiropractors/nurses, law enforcement, the parents learning to teach their children, the families learning to be together, and the transformations all around.

There is light.

Where there is Love, there is Light.

And we can never, ever lose sight of that.

Even on the darkest of days, He will shine his Light upon us.

Never lose faith in that♥️.

As I say to my clients, children, and friends….

Onward.

We must continue on.

Stand tall.

Be strong.

Be a Light in the Darkness.

And, live a life of Love 💗.

If you remember just one thing from this blog, let it be this….

“With God, all things are possible”.

Much love,

Linda 💜

She just stood there… Shining☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

I was in yoga class last winter and the instructor was reading a phrase that resonated through my body.

You know how sometimes you hear a certain song or hear a specific phrase and you just know it must be for you?

Well, this was it.

I went to this class weekly, and it seemed as though the instructor said this multiple times in a month. “Ok, ok, You have my attention, Lord”.

Each time, the energy through my body became stronger.

Almost electric.

So much so, that I found a photo of it and have it saved on my phone.

This was something I needed to remember.

“A Lighthouse doesn’t go around the island looking for boats to save, it just stands there shining “.

I get it now, God….and I give thanks.

“Watch for the Lighthouse “.

I found “her”, in a most unexpected way.

Quiet, steady, and bright.

I already knew of her Light and have blessed to be encompassed with it, in an even deeper way, the past 8 months.

I dedicate this to my dear friend, Jul. ♥️

She was the lady at the front desk at my office that I laughed with, cried with and shared daily life with for almost 16 years. I often said she knew me better than my hair stylist…and they seem to know a lot about their clients. Haha.

She watched my children grow up, she was a constant through my divorce.

She had a front row seat to the love story that Brian and I created.

And through it all, she just stood there….Shining.

I’ll be honest, I sometimes took her for granted.

….Until the day we realized our time with her was becoming limited.

I still remember sitting with her, shortly after she found out she was ill.

She said, “ I just can’t believe you are here”. I was baffled by that. I said, “Jul, why wouldn’t I be? I am showing up for you the way you did for me all these years.”

I can only hope she knew the mark she left on this world and the people around her.

Let me tell you a bit about her Light.

She made birthday cakes for my husband every single year.

She almost flew out of her chair with joy every time she told a story of her kids or grand babies.

She exuded happiness whenever anything good happened to anyone.

She was loyal.

She was honest.

She was true.

She was Light.

In the beginning of her journey, I wanted to find a way to give her something to hold onto. I guess it was my way of “giving back” to her for all she had done for me.

I was signed up to run a marathon in May of this year, but due to the pandemic it was delayed. In December, as we laughed and reminisced, I asked her to make a promise to me.

I asked if she would meet me at the finish line of the marathon on May 3,2020. She promised to be there. We even made a pinky promise.

With Jul, you knew a promise she made to you was worth more than gold.

That promise we made to one another gave me more power than I knew. To do things I didn’t think I could.

She was a warrior and I knew she would fight for that date.

And she did……and surpassed it by almost 2 more months.

Her strength and determination was humbling.

We sure had fun cheering one another on. Our motto became a staple of our daily text messages. “You fight and I’ll Run”.

And on we went.

I endured cold runs and she endured grueling chemo.

She spent 6 days in the hospital and I ran 12 miles per her request.

We shared prayers, songs of joy, and what I found in her will remain a part of me forever.

Her belief in Jesus deepened my Faith.

I watched another human let go and allow His mighty hand guide her Life.

I witnessed the absolute Peace and Trust she had put in her Savior.

And I can’t say that I have ever been so blinded by another soul’s Light.

For those who truly knew her heart, they would agree.

An Instrument of God.

I believe we all are instruments…and as Bette Midler sang, “we are instruments, marching in a common band”.

He is the composer and coordinates it all.

Who you encounter, where you go…all a part of the masterpiece.

To live a life is a blessing to one.

To live a life that gives life to another is a blessing to many.

That was my Jul☀️

To put into words how her time here touched others is more difficult than I thought it would be.

It’s too extraordinary. Too beautiful. Too big for a blog or a book.

To watch another soul encompass the darkness of pain and fear in absolute peace and Light is something I cannot describe.

All I know is that her life changed mine.

It changed my heart.

The way my eyes view the world and others around me.

My heart will always miss her wonderful laugh, her giving personality, and her lighthearted stories.

However, I believe nothing will ever dim her LIGHT☀️

Rest In Peace, dear friend.

And thank you 🙏 for sharing a part of your world with me🌈

#Run4jul

I’ll see you on my next run….I know you will be right beside me.

We are instruments of love and peace, here to learn and help guide one another to be our best selves.

And as Juls last message to me says,

“Always keep the Love of Jesus in your heart”.

I promise,Jul….♥️

Don’t waste a moment waiting to LIVE, friends. LIVE by faith, not by sight.

And always, always see everything through the lens of LOVE 💕

Much love to all,

Linda 💜

I just really want to be the warm yellow light that pours over everyone I love ❤️

I hate this.

I hate this year, this time, this virus.

I hate that it has taken lives, stopped the world in its tracks, and ruined so much.

I feel like I can move past this and adapt to what now is.

However,

What happened last week….I just don’t think I can move past.

I just don’t understand.

This is one of the first times in my life, I don’t have the words.

I truly don’t know what to say, how to fight, comfort, or what to believe anymore.

Lately, I feel like we are all one big kindergarten class without a teacher.

The world has gone wild.

And so, I have collected my thoughts and gone back to my classroom, with my Creator, Teacher and Savior.

I hate how humans mistreat other humans.

I hate the violence.

I hate the anger and sadness.

I hate this.

But, I believe in Him and I know I have to find a way through this.

Last Friday, my emotions came to a screaming halt and were forced out of my mouth.

I cried so hard and so loud, as I lay on my floor, I swear the house shook.

I can’t take this anymore.

“Feeling more and more like everything’s goin wrong.

Running, running, I can’t keep running. Something …there’s always something.

Never gonna have control, I’m better off letting go”

I love that song. It is so perfect for how Life feels these days.

So

Out

Of

Control.

During my hour long breakdown, I texted my oldest daughter.

I told her how heavy things felt and how sad I was.

I said, “I just can’t carry all of this anymore.”

She brought me back when she texted me this.

“Hand it up to God on a silver platter”….”like you always told me”

Yes!

Give it to Him.

When it’s too hard to handle and too heavy to bear, drag it over to Him.

He will carry it and you will be free again.

….note to self: “they were listening “♥️

My beautiful daughter reminded me from where my strength comes.

And, in moments, the tears dried and I felt alive again.

He is my shelter and my strength.

I had what I secretly call a “dazed” weekend.

What that means for me is reflection. Introspective thinking. Going within to help rebuild myself and those around me again.

The photo and quote that I included on this blog is one I found many years ago when I was longing for forgiveness.

To forgive my parents, siblings and others in my past.

I now have it framed in my bedroom and see it every day.

It especially stood out to me last Friday.

We must learn to forgive and move forward in a new light.

A new beginning.

For all ❤️

We can no longer shuffle these injustices and the pain so many feel under the carpet, hoping it will go away.

Because it won’t.

And it shouldn’t.

Any problem we have in life is never healed until we feel and deal.

That’s my motto, feel and deal.

The bandage that has been slapped on over and over again all of these years has been torn off, only to reveal this huge, gaping wound that so many have endured.

So many.

It has never been healed.

And for all of those, my heart aches. ❤️

In order to move forward, we all, as one nation, under God, must come together and realize we are One.

I keep coming back to scripture for comfort and clarity.

We were ALL created in His Image. The image of God.

We are brothers and sisters.

I don’t understand how some can’t see that.

As you read this, please know that I write these words with absolute love.

I do not wish to argue, debate or have any negativity thrown at me. For those who know me best, know that I my only goal is to empower.

So, for today, I leave you with LOVE.

Know that I accept you for who you are, who you were and who you May be.

I honor your space.

I honor your life here and how you choose to live.

Hate has no place in my Heart or my Home.

I believe we were ALL created for a very specific reason and brought here in this time to give love and guidance to the present and the future.

It is our right and responsibility.

We have the ability, in this moment, to change the future.

For our children.

Our grandchildren.

For all of those to come.

I will continue to pray for each one of you, our nation as a whole, and for LOVE to conquer us all once again.

God is OUR refuge and strength, my friends.

❤️ 💜🖤🤍🤎💛🧡WE ARE ONE ♥️🖤🤍🤎💙💛🧡💚💜❤️💚💛🧡💙🤎🤍🖤💜❤️🧡💛💚

Much Love,

Linda🙏

Living Through the Storm

I woke up with a thought in my heart today.

A pattern of thoughts scattered in my mind, with the urge to empower…if only just one. 💜

Ahh, I love rainy Sundays.

They are the perfect time for reflection, self care and stillness.

This Sunday is no different.

A gentle rain, the birds chirping their gratitude, and a hot cup of coffee by my side.

Here I go….

Last week, I saw a Facebook post reminding me of all the historic events others have LIVED THROUGH.

My level of respect went through the roof.

Humans that lived in concentration camps found the strength to conquer their circumstances and survive.

They went on to have families, make memories, and LIVE.

Many in the camps didn’t just sit and wait for their futures to be determined. They found ways to Live in the midst of their hell.

I don’t know that I would have the mental strength to endure what they did.

They are Heroes.

Then, we look at the Great Depression and all of the moving parts of that time.

Hunger, unemployment, rationing, fear of the unknown.

And, when the end of the Depression came, World War 2 began.

Can you imagine the hopelessness??

Perspective may have saved many lives.

How did they move THROUGH those trying times?

My best guess is that they didn’t just exist through them, but they continued to LIVE.

The Bubonic Plague, the Great Depression, World War 2….Real History.

After recalling conversations at different times in my life with my Grandparents, Aunts, uncles and parents, it came to me.

In order to thrive in this new environment we are in, we must find LIFE in each moment, in each day.

We must LIVE fully and not just be.

We are LIVING THROUGH a time that will be talked about by our great grandchildren, it will be written about and documented.

So many things we know and love have faded from our daily lives.

So much has changed.

We may not all be on the same page with our thoughts, but I know we have all had something consistent taken from us. Something that “made” us who we are.

However, the The Human Spirit remains the same.

Solid.

Resilient.

Made stronger by the storm.

I don’t have the words to express the strength, beauty and hope that my eyes have seen and my ears have heard the last few months.

Wish I did, so I could write it here today and look back years from now with a vivid picture of how the world “showed up”.

From the doctors and nurses risking their own lives to save others, the police officers and firefighters standing strong so we feel secure, to the retired lady bagging groceries at the local supermarket.

Watching my children’s compassion and resilience.

Seeing each morning in a new light.

The generosity of others.

The human need of contributing.

To the simplest things we have found to create a moment of normalcy each day.

I see God working everywhere.

In every way. ♥️

His LIGHT has remained unchanged.

So, on my run the other day, I took my face towards the sun and sky.

I ran with a smile and asked myself some questions.

“Am I LIVING and moving forward even though it seems LIFE has paused?”

“Am I being a leader and an example to those that I love?”

“Would I be at PEACE if today was the last day here?”

For me, the answers are “YES”.

How we live in the midst of adversity can tell a lot about who we are at our core.

Ask yourself ….

Are you merely existing?

Are you hiding in a cocoon afraid and weak?

Are you calming and leading others to hope?

Are you truly LIVING THROUGH this pandemic?

Go ahead. Ask yourself.

Because I did.

Even through the uncertainty and unknowns, our clocks are still ticking.

Days are turning into months and the months will soon be a year.

I’m holding tight to my life plan.

To LIVE LOUD.

To LIVE WITH INTENTION.

To LEARN and GROW each day, as this is my classroom.

We aren’t being put through this test to sit and wait it out, friends. We are here to LIVE THROUGH it all.

I view this as a very difficult course in college.

We won’t necessarily breeze through this one without a few bumps and scars.

It’s time to observe, test ourselves, and see what we can take from this lesson.

Just like the HEROES who survived the Holocaust, the Wars, the Great Depression……

It’s time to look inside and see what we are made of ♥️

We are made of LIGHT, LOVE and HOPE.

All within each of us.

Free to give, easy to offer…..and safe to share😉

Stay strong. Well. And Be Blessed, my friends.

May you be a Star Student and Ace this

LIFE CHANGING TEST🙏

Much love,

Linda ♥️

Those Rainbow 🌈 Moments

If someone woke you up in the middle of the night and told you that you had 5 minutes to grab what you needed to survive, what would you take?

Would you run through your home, grabbing family photos? Money? Your laptop? Your children? And, what about food or water?

What do YOU need to survive?

It’s an interesting question at best.

Really think about it before you answer because your “needs” may surprise you.

At best, they were eye opening for me.

Now, I’m not saying someone came into my home and had me pack a bag, but my husband and I decided some time ago that we would downsize and move.

Yes, in the midst of a quarantine and a pandemic.

And, yes, I have once again been reminded of what I need to survive.

By that, I mean “who” and “what”. And, as I was packing, I made sure to choose wisely and ask myself “why”.

We have had to walk by Faith through this adventure.

We didn’t know what the next announcement would be, if one of us or a family member would become ill, or what to expect from one moment to the next.

I don’t do well with the unexpected, so this was a huge test for me.

I view my life as one big lesson.

I picture God standing up at the head of classroom, coaching me, challenging me and showing me how far I have come with Him by my side.

I definitely am not ready to “graduate”, but man oh man, I am learning a lot!

Through this particular journey, I have definitely come face to face with some old demons.

Fear of the unknown.

Anxiety.

Stress.

Change.

And the material world around me.

I never really thought of myself as a “material girl”(sorry, I’m an 80’s kid….Madonna shoutout).

But, I think I am….

With this recent move, I have learned it is ok to let go……

And let God.

As I have done my entire life, I deal with the gross, wretched part of the emotion and then I flip it.

I flip into the lesson and make it beautiful. Why? Because this life that God envelopes us in is just that. Beautiful.

It can sometimes be ugly or difficult…or sad, but there’s always a rainbow at the end.

Always.

I always seem to look back and say, “Ah, I got it. That’s why.”

And that’s the rainbow 🌈 moment.

Ever do that?

Go through a storm and then reflect?

As humans, we see the clouds billow and start to panic. We hide from it’s power. We go inside and live out of fear.

But, what if we approached the storm instead? What if, just once, we grabbed our umbrella and God’s mighty hand and walked INTO it with Him?

Tell me, what if?

Well, in my experiences of being “forced” into the storm, you find that it’s really not that bad.

Now, don’t get me wrong….it’s uncomfortable and scary, but the accomplishment you feel after…and the lessons you learn….the next storm, maybe won’t be so bad??

Now, here’s where the beauty begins.

Let me just preface this, by making sure you understand….. you’re gonna get wet!

You will be tired.

You will cry.

You will find weaknesses inside that you didn’t know existed.

You may have to give things up that you thought you needed.

You may fall.

You may scream.

Where’s the beauty in that???

In the rainbow, friends.

It’s all in the rainbow 🌈.

Because, guess what?

You will rise again.

You will reflect and see just how strong you are.

You could have never imagined conquering the obstacles you were about to face, but you did.

You couldn’t see past the dark, ominous clouds, but they passed.

And, you didn’t think you could carry such a heavy load(or, in my case, a huge bookcase), but you did!!!

And, now imagine the foundation He has built for you to weather the next storm in life.

And, we know, without a doubt, another will come.

Maybe not in the form of a pandemic, or a major move, or quarantine, or illness, job loss, or anything of that nature…but the clouds are on the horizon. And, next time, you will be more prepared because of this “lesson”.

Now, back to what you would grab if you only had minutes and limited space.

I have been gently reminded what I need to survive.

If I woke up without _____________, could I go on?

Ask it.

Go ahead.

Because I did.

My answer is that I am beyond blessed.

Beyond grateful.

And my home and heart are full.

I have “more” than I probably deserve. A whole storage unit full. An adorable home with so many beautiful “things”.

I didn’t have to “pack a bag” in 5 minutes…I was blessed to have the time to choose. And in doing so, I chose wisely.

You see, I realized it wouldn’t matter what state or country I moved to.

It’s not the address that makes a home, but WHO resides inside.

For me, it’s 1.), Jesus….then, my husband and my dog.

My heart lives in this home, and it’s full of LOVE and 45 years of LIFE.

This home will be decorated with the laughter and new memories when family can come to visit and painted with LOVE inside.

I found that what was most important for me was so much more than tangible items. The “things” that mattered the most to my heart were the emotions that the items captured.

My 4 children’s newborn clothes.

My Grandmothers aprons.

Halloween costumes (especially the Batman mask and feather boua).

And so much more.

And back to those rainbows? I had a rainbow 🌈 moment after my Dad’s passing. You see, he didn’t really “leave” me anything. No books, fishing poles, not many pictures or hobbies. I was crushed at first. And then, the Teacher stepped up to board. He reminded me of all the nights I was woken up by my Dad to sing country songs. I hated those songs and the hours he would keep me up telling me his life stories.

You get it, right?

My rainbow 🌈 was the moment I saw that my Dad left me the greatest gifts of all.

A book of his life, in my mind, that I will have forever.

Songs(that I’m finding also tell a story), and so many snapshots of he and I at that dining room table, singing to Hank Williams Jr in the middle of the night.

I sing those damn songs now.

I play them loud. And laugh, smile and sometimes even cry.

Thanks, Dad. ♥️

What he left me is priceless…there isn’t enough money to purchase those gifts and there isn’t an amount I would take to sell it away.

The 🌈.

My heart has felt so much in the last 4 weeks.

Sadness for the lives lost from the virus, Hope for all of humanity, excitement for the renewal that is upon us and absolute gratitude for my life and all who reside in it.

As I sat on my sofa, in my new home, on Easter Sunday, I was in awe.

I had my “rainbow” 🌈 moment.

“I get it, God. I hear ya loud and clear, and I thank you.”

Through this pandemic and “Great Pause” in the entire world, a Bible phrase keeps flashing in my mind.

“ Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it”♥️

We are being forced to Be Still, friends.

Think about that.

For the first time in most of our lives, the world has literally SHUT DOWN.

Maybe it’s so God can heal it and turn it around?

We must embrace this moment in time.

We must not be afraid to weather this storm, but to grab God’s hand, an umbrella and walk into it with Faith.

The first step is always the hardest but remember this promise too…

“FAITH is being sure of what we hope for and certain of which we do not see”

He’s GOT us, friends.

You may get wet, but His warm light will dry you once again.

I leave you with this thought today so you may find strength in the midst of this tornado we are in the middle of.

Be STILL.

Let GO and Let GOD.

And, as I tell my kids when something doesn’t go their way…

“Trust in God…He May have something better in mind”🌈

Much love to you all.

Make sure to pack lightly😉

Linda 💜

“Trust in God…He May have something better in mind 🌈”