Yes it’s 5am on a Thursday morning.
And yes, I am awake.
My day has begun.
For that, I am grateful.
I woke up this morning, before my alarm. My plan was to head to the gym.
But,my heart was pulling me to this.
I went to bed last night with an odd thought.
“Pull back the curtain”.
👌🏻 okay then. Must have been thinking of when I performed in musicals or “hoping ” to see one?
“Pull back the curtain”.
“I don’t know. Guess I’ll sleep for now”.
I’m a big believer that as we develop a closer relationship with our God, the Universe, or whatever your belief may be, we start to “hear” again.
And, I think that particular phrase was meant for me.
As I shared last week, the last few months have been ones of transition for me, to say the least.
My Dad passed away, I had some unexpected setbacks, health concerns, and fought with anxiety once again. Through my faith, support systems, and the stubborn Norwegian blood that runs through my veins, I got back up…again.
You know, life really is a roller coaster. It can be quite a ride, don’t you agree?
As I have been “waking up” the last month or so, reflecting and self analyzing (as I often do), I realized so many other priceless lessons came from the uncertainty and unplanned “events” this winter.
I met a friend for coffee, earlier this week.
In our area, we just had a historic April snowstorm.
I was saying how crazy it was and how I just needed winter to end. Ugh 😑.
Be done already! Go away snow and ice!
His perspective was a bit different and it got the wheels turning.
What if this is how it was meant to be?
What if there were so many others that needed the stillness, maybe the lesson of patience was taught… or the gentle reminder of how little we can control?
What if the timing of the seasons was just right? Maybe spring hadn’t been “delayed”, maybe winter wasn’t lagging on, just maybe.
This never ending winter caused me to look deep…. and some days, “dig deep”.
I learned to appreciate the warmer, sunny days. My phone and social media went as silent as it could, so I could be immersed in the moments of spring. Because “what if” it was the only nice day for a long time?
It makes you stop and think about all sorts of things. “Could that be the last time I see him/her?” “What if that was not possible any longer?” “What if I couldn’t do those things?”
If it was your “last”——(fill in the blank)….maybe you would appreciate each gift a little bit more. I know I would.
I learned “presence and gratitude “.
I was forced to realize “it is what it is”, as the snow continued to fall.
I had to find the warmth and beauty in other areas of my life.
I yearned for the sunshine and the excitement of the buds on the trees. I wished for it to be like it was years ago. 2 years ago, I was walking my dog with shorts on!
But that isn’t today.
I have to enjoy today and hope for tomorrow. It was a reminder of faith. “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain do what we cannot see”.
Spring will come again. That I do believe.
So with that, I was reminded to “trust and have faith “.
Beautiful reminders. And for those, I am grateful.
However, one lesson did catch me off guard.
I was blessed with the down time to examine ME. My inner workings. What makes me tick, happy, passionate, and Alive.
And my findings were quite interesting.
I thought I was living out loud. I was pretty sure I was giving 110%. But, when I “pulled back the curtain” to my life, I can now see that I have just been waiting offstage.
I made a decision to be the true, raw, real, open ME.
The ME that walks out on the stage and grabs life by the horns (or balls)…whatever slang you prefer😉.
The ME who grabs my family and friends for a second hug, just because.
The ME who dances around the kitchen and plays air guitar to Panama, by Van Halen.
The ME who is honest and blunt.
The ME who survived and feels compelled to heal.
The ME He has deigned me to be.
What I’m trying to say is this…
This winter, in my stillness, I realized I have been waiting BEHIND the curtain. Knees shaking, nervous and afraid. Of what? I’m not sure.
In the core of my soul, that is not who I am or was destined to be. And I was reminded, once again, that this is the only “performance” there will ever be.
So, as frightening and exhilarating and crazy as it may seem…….I have PULLED BACK THE CURTAIN…..and taken on the lifelong LEADING role…. as the ONE and ONLY “ME”.
And, I also decided I kind of liked this winter, after all.
Underneath all the cold, the gray skies and snow…something was blossoming. Fighting hard to survive, pushing with all her might to break through.
It was ME💜
Who’s ready to audition?
Pull back the curtain?
Be the Star ⭐️ of your own life again?
Be free, be bold, be who you are designed to be?!
Let’s do it, friends.
Today, show up as the TRUE YOU, cuz I’m showin’ up as ME🎉