I hate this.
I hate this year, this time, this virus.
I hate that it has taken lives, stopped the world in its tracks, and ruined so much.
I feel like I can move past this and adapt to what now is.
What happened last week….I just don’t think I can move past.
I just don’t understand.
This is one of the first times in my life, I don’t have the words.
I truly don’t know what to say, how to fight, comfort, or what to believe anymore.
Lately, I feel like we are all one big kindergarten class without a teacher.
The world has gone wild.
And so, I have collected my thoughts and gone back to my classroom, with my Creator, Teacher and Savior.
I hate how humans mistreat other humans.
I hate the violence.
I hate the anger and sadness.
I hate this.
But, I believe in Him and I know I have to find a way through this.
Last Friday, my emotions came to a screaming halt and were forced out of my mouth.
I cried so hard and so loud, as I lay on my floor, I swear the house shook.
I can’t take this anymore.
“Feeling more and more like everything’s goin wrong.
Running, running, I can’t keep running. Something …there’s always something.
Never gonna have control, I’m better off letting go”
I love that song. It is so perfect for how Life feels these days.
During my hour long breakdown, I texted my oldest daughter.
I told her how heavy things felt and how sad I was.
I said, “I just can’t carry all of this anymore.”
She brought me back when she texted me this.
“Hand it up to God on a silver platter”….”like you always told me”
Give it to Him.
When it’s too hard to handle and too heavy to bear, drag it over to Him.
He will carry it and you will be free again.
….note to self: “they were listening “♥️
My beautiful daughter reminded me from where my strength comes.
And, in moments, the tears dried and I felt alive again.
He is my shelter and my strength.
I had what I secretly call a “dazed” weekend.
What that means for me is reflection. Introspective thinking. Going within to help rebuild myself and those around me again.
The photo and quote that I included on this blog is one I found many years ago when I was longing for forgiveness.
To forgive my parents, siblings and others in my past.
I now have it framed in my bedroom and see it every day.
It especially stood out to me last Friday.
We must learn to forgive and move forward in a new light.
A new beginning.
For all ❤️
We can no longer shuffle these injustices and the pain so many feel under the carpet, hoping it will go away.
Because it won’t.
And it shouldn’t.
Any problem we have in life is never healed until we feel and deal.
That’s my motto, feel and deal.
The bandage that has been slapped on over and over again all of these years has been torn off, only to reveal this huge, gaping wound that so many have endured.
It has never been healed.
And for all of those, my heart aches. ❤️
In order to move forward, we all, as one nation, under God, must come together and realize we are One.
I keep coming back to scripture for comfort and clarity.
We were ALL created in His Image. The image of God.
We are brothers and sisters.
I don’t understand how some can’t see that.
As you read this, please know that I write these words with absolute love.
I do not wish to argue, debate or have any negativity thrown at me. For those who know me best, know that I my only goal is to empower.
So, for today, I leave you with LOVE.
Know that I accept you for who you are, who you were and who you May be.
I honor your space.
I honor your life here and how you choose to live.
Hate has no place in my Heart or my Home.
I believe we were ALL created for a very specific reason and brought here in this time to give love and guidance to the present and the future.
It is our right and responsibility.
We have the ability, in this moment, to change the future.
For our children.
For all of those to come.
I will continue to pray for each one of you, our nation as a whole, and for LOVE to conquer us all once again.
God is OUR refuge and strength, my friends.
❤️ 💜🖤🤍🤎💛🧡WE ARE ONE ♥️🖤🤍🤎💙💛🧡💚💜❤️💚💛🧡💙🤎🤍🖤💜❤️🧡💛💚