People always ask me why I do what I do.

“You give so much, but came from so very little.”

Uh, thanks…I guess?

I think that’s what sets the survivors apart from the victims. The doers from the dreamers and the strong from the weak.

We get it.

We’ve been there and back. To hell, that is.

We know pain.

We know hunger, sadness and loss.

And we don’t ever want another to feel what we had to in order to be who we are.

And that’s why I do what I do.

❤

I recently started an anxiety discussion group in my city.

I had a fair turnout for the first meeting.

My husband respectfully joked that I probably wouldn’t have a large number of attendees, as this is an “anxiety” based group and there may be some with social anxiety that would not be able to make it that night, they’d cancel or just not show. And I needed to prepare for that. It happened that way and I get it.

Believe me…I totally understand.

For the ones who did come out, I explained my reason for this group….my “Why”.

I had a really long winter. It was full of new and old traumas. It was exhausting and dark and difficult.

And, I am so very grateful for it all❤

In the midst of my depression and anxiety, I found beauty. And understanding….Of a time gone by.

My God took me to a new level of empathy for my father and brother, and for those who suffer from these illnesses.

It’s maddening, the anxiety.

I’ve described it to some as though you are being possessed. You can see your strong, calm self in the distance, but just can’t seem to reach her. You know you want to be social and happy and light…but are held down by this huge, defiant hand.

It is a funnel cloud you are swept up in, with no way out.

Believe me, I get it.

And there is hope.

In today’s world, we have so many more resources than our parents, grandparents and older siblings did.

There is yoga, meditation, fitness, nutrition and counseling; just to name a few.

My hope for my group is to educate each person on these areas to alleviate some of the burden of anxiety.

To allow acknowledgement, acceptance and action to take hold over this illness.

What I know is that we are more alike than we are different. We are stronger than we think and more awesome than we believe. And we need to recognize that!

❤

In my lifetime, I watched my father destroy his beautiful family, hold his wife “hostage” from who she was, quit jobs, fall to alcoholism, become isolated, and lose the meaning of life…he actually stopped LIVING.

I never understood. Until this past February.

He was so far gone. So deep in the mud. There was no way out.

He didn’t know he had resources.

You didn’t talk about mental illness in his “day”.

He had to be strong.

And you know what?

Sometimes he couldn’t be.

His sadness expelled as anger and rage.

His fear as withdrawal and isolation.

His anxiety took over who he truly was.

And, I miss him.

I lost a lifetime with my Dad to this demon.

I would get glimpses of him from time to time. I learned of his soft side, when we talked in the middle of the night.

He was a good person, deep inside.

He was struggling and misunderstood, as so many are.

And I want to help people change that.

❤

Anxiety.

It’s a demon.

One of strength and control, that is relentless. And I want that demon to know that I am stronger and more determined than it 🤺

My father lost his battle.

So did my brother, at the age of 36. He, too, suffered anxiety and depression.

His way of coping was with pills and vodka. And when that no longer silenced the “noise”, he took back control the only way he knew how…. by taking his life.

❤

Know this.

You are not alone. You are not alone.

You

Are

Not

Alone.

❤

As real as the symptoms of anxiety are, the remedies and coping strategies are even more real.

I have worked for years to conquer my anxiety and now realize it is a battle that I will fight for the rest of my life.

However, in realizing that, there is power.

In knowing what I have to do to stay healthy and in control, there is even more power.

And in accepting that I am not perfect, there is so…much… power.

Don’t be afraid to talk about it.

Don’t be afraid to share.

To be flawed, real, and vulnerable.

It may help someone❤

I came across this beautiful quote below a couple years ago and it made my heart flutter.

I have been blessed with my experiences, strengthened by my God, and here to serve as a light.

A “warm, yellow light”.

I am here and ready.

Ready to empower others to be “here” too.

Be strong. God’s got you. ❤

Much love,

Linda

I just knew I wouldn’t cry.

But, as I go through old photos today, I realize time has gotten away from me. Or so it may seem.

Our youngest moved out for school about a month ago today.

I didn’t cry much at all before the actual day.

I kind of surprised myself, to be honest.

I was strong, kept it together, and moved forward as an empty nester.

I knew to stay busy right off the bat.

I dove into my workouts, agreed to do a local dance event, and even started prepping to run a discussion group. Real estate is busy, my husband and I have been traveling, having a cocktail on a Sunday afternoon, and after all these years….sleeping in.

Life is good.

God is good.

So why the tears today?

Well, at breakfast this morning, I realized that we had taken the last “First day of school” photos about one year ago today.

Why that brought me to tears, I don’t know.

It’s just a picture, on my phone…that I posted on Facebook…and sent to family and friends… a few times.

Well, clearly, it was much more than that ❤

It was a moment.

And all at once, I felt something stir inside.

It’s a time that we can’t have again.

A time of innocence that can never return to the front entry way of our home.

I always enjoyed my children’s first day of school.

For so many reasons……

When the kids were young, I was the Mom who wanted them to have the most memorable “first day” every year.

From “Welcome Home” signs and balloons, elaborate breakfasts, and the first day of school cards and gifts(which they all got again this year), and probably will forever😉, I did it all.

I felt so very blessed to be able to watch every new year unfold.

To be there for the skinned knees, listening to them read at night, the proms, girlfriends, sports…and just to see it all.

I sometimes think I gave them those memories because I had wanted something similar to that growing up. And I can only hope it meant as much to them as it did to me.

The past month has been a whirlwind for me. In every sense of the word.

But, I realized in the quiet of today, that I am feeling and learning things about myself that have been dormant for a long time.

It’s quite inspiring, actually.

As I continue to move toward this new chapter, I have to keep reminding my heart to keep up.

My body and mind are going toward the new adventures and learning about the young adults they have become, but my heart so desperately wants the little curly haired boy and the little girl with the bouncy pony tails to walk through the door one(or two) more times.😉

But, as life goes on, we must adjust and grow.

And growing is one of my very favorite things to do!

I’ll keep the old photos close, the memories even closer.

And, as my children grow, I realize I’ll just have to adjust the lens and keep creating new snapshots to smile, laugh and cry over.

I’m finding joy in the accomplishment of raising 4 wonderful humans. Finding satisfaction in their successes and their strengths. And hoping that maybe I had a small part in it.

So, tomorrow morning, I’ll work out. I’ll make breakfast, kiss my husband, and go on with my day.

And, maybe for a moment, I’ll pause and remember all those amazing “first days”.

Tomorrow may not be another “first day” of school in my house, but it is definitely another First Day.

Another chance to live, to enjoy and to make more memories.

Life.

It’s so….

Full of possibilities.

Full of gratitude.

Full of love.

To my babies, “Thanks for the memories, the “awful” school supply shopping days, the mornings of packing lunches, the warm cookies, the times I walked you home from the bus”.

Those were the days.

Some of the best days(so far) of my entire life. 💕

And to begin again?

What a beautiful blessing from above.

Now… onto taking the photos of my daughter teaching, my son’s, who work so hard, and my youngest becoming an adult.

I

Can’t

Wait.

To capture it all!!!

With age and time, wisdom does step in.

I know now what I didn’t know then.

Be ever present and take every moment in, like it’s your last breath.

Because after the moments pass, all we have is a snapshot of a memory. ❤

Here’s to new beginnings for so many tomorrow and always.

Much love,

Linda 🦋