I turned 45 yesterday. 🎂
On June 9,1974, at approximately 6:32pm, I walked in…. Linda Kay is in the house!
Now think about it….
Wouldn’t it be mind blowing if we could recall being “born”?
I think about that sometimes and it makes my heart flutter.
All the excitement, anticipation… and also, the realization that the clock had started ticking. I wonder if that would possibly change the course of our life and how we lived it?
Guess we’ll never know.
What we do know is that the moment we are born, our time starts to fade.
We never know if it’s by hours, decades or longer.
We just know we have limited time.
It’s all about time.
The older I get, I realize everything seems to be.
I feel like all I ever say, or hear is, “not enough”, “goes too fast”, “look at the” …TIME.
It’s the one thing in this world you can never get back.
So, recently, I started making my days all about Time.
I wake up as early as possible, live out a structured day, stop for the important moments and inhale the unforgettable ones.
Then it doesn’t seem to have as much control over me.
You see, I am controlling my time while I am here.
The best I can, anyway😉
I started sharing my time with a select few and not squandering it on strangers. I started using the time I have to make the biggest impact I can. And cherishing the time I have here with my loved ones.
It’s all about time.
This year of 45, I have decided that my time will become even more strict for me.
And it began yesterday.
My best “uses” of time.
Who I spend it with, what I spend it doing.
I don’t want to regret a minute, as I can’t get a redo.
So, back to yesterday….
I just love my Birthday!!!
I mean, just like anyone else, I’ve had some I wish I could forget…and others I will carry with me forever.
There was my 9th, when my brother came home to visit and my parents and he partied the entire time. They basically forgot about my big day.
That was a rough one.
No birthday celebration, no dinner that night, although I did sit alone and watched some tv, cried and tried to enjoy my cake. But, from that, I grew.
And then there’s my 38th or 39th.
I swear I had a nervous breakdown in front of my husband and children and then sped away, driving nowhere…ending up in some small town.
I went into a gas station, bought a pack of cigarettes (I hadn’t smoked in over a decade, and never did again),smoked one and then decided to drive back home.
I realized my life wasn’t “out there”, but where I had driven away from.
I try to go easy on myself for my behavior that day.
You see, I had endured a divorce, started a new relationship, struggled through the recession, a child custody battle, and many other aspects of life …all in less than a years time. I was also trying to smile through tears as I had “left” my parents and siblings lives that year.
That’s a lot to handle.
And I did it all, with a smile on my face. 😉
But, as we all know, a smile can be an amazing magician.
It can miraculously hide pain, struggles, anger and so many stories.
I always say, Behind every smile, many secrets hide.
I know that now, and try extra hard to always be kind.
I am grateful for that birthday disaster.
It was about that time in my life when I could finally see that every experience, moment and piece of life was meant for good for me.
To learn and to grow.
My perspective of birthdays and expectations have also resolved.
I now see it as “my day” and I celebrate Me.
I don’t wait for others to shower me with attention or gifts.
I celebrate for me, because of Me.
All I have overcome.
All I have lived with and through.
All of my iniquities.
After all, this is the day I was gifted with my incredible Life. And I get just this ONE!
And how amazing is that?!
This phenomenal “thing” that we are all born with…..Life❤️
Given freely, for us to make the most of.
We get to choose how we wish to spend it. Happy or sad.
Resentful or blessed.
Angry or grateful.
We actually get to decide!!!!
I understand that now.
I feel like I spent the first 18 years of my life caring for and correcting my parents. And the second 18 trying figuring myself out.
It’s been a ride, friends. It’s been a ride.
However, I wouldn’t change it.
Not a single moment.
For each time I fell, I stood up straighter.
Each time I cried, I became stronger.
And each time I forgave, I felt more peace.
A lot can change in one year.
And in one year, you can make a lot of change.
44 was an amazing year that encompassed all those things.
I grew. I reconnected. I forgave. I endured. I changed.
As I woke up yesterday, thinking about how I should start this year, I decided it should be with a Run.
It just seemed fitting.
It has been one of my biggest obstacles for years.
Running is something I told myself (and the world) that I hated and wasn’t good at for about 30 years.
I think it’s because it takes time. And I am not a patient person😐.
As my husband (and greatest teacher) always reminds me, “It takes a long time to become an overnight success”.
I had to run when it wasn’t convenient. I had to run in the rain, snow and cold 🥶 I had to run when I wanted to rest.
I ran with a smile on my face, I ran while I sang, I ran with tears rolling down my face and in pain.
And I ran with my Dad….❤️
I got out of my own way this past year and ran my first half marathon.
And you know what?
I remembered that I actually Love running!
It’s so freeing and empowering.
It’s really the only time, in my world, that I am able to shut down to focus on the desires and hopes of the true me….the prompts of My soul.
I ran yesterday morning and looked up to the sky.
I felt nothing but absolute gratitude for the ability to run, breathe in the fresh air and to be Me.
I didn’t need anything material or a big party waiting for me.
I ran and smiled with faith and determination to make this next year the Best year of Me💥
Here’s to each of us….balancing, caring for, and choosing to make the best use of our TIME 🎁.
I know I will be…
….balancing, juggling, choosing to be aware and present… AND, Leaping into another year of life with excitement and absolute JOY!
Here’s to #45💪🏻