It’s taken me awhile to get to the point that I can put my feelings into words.

Before publishing this post, I read it to my husband and had him sit down and “prepare”for it.

I read through what I had and he questioned why this was such a big emotional thing…

I explained to him that the simple fact I can type these words without sobbing uncontrollably, that’s the reason why it’s Big.

It’s this HUGE monster I have been carrying around.

I can finally release it, I can let it out.

It stays near, but it doesn’t have to smother me.

You see,

I’ve gone through an emotional war…

From feeling immense sadness, anger and helplessness for those that I love so dearly.

I’ve realized everything is temporary.

That was a difficult acceptance.

In my child’s mind, my comfort lies within routine and all things remaining the same.

It’s coming up on 2 years since I texted my soul sister.

Nothing crazy, just a hello that day.

She replied back with “I’ll text ya later, I’m in the ER right now”.

She went in for a terrible pain in her side.

It had been there off and on for awhile, but was unbearable that day.

It was October 1, 2020.

We lost her to liver cancer approximately 18 months later.

She was only 40 years old.

I still miss our daily text messages, even today. She was extraordinary and I don’t just say that because she’s gone on.

She truly was….Extra Ordinary…not like anyone I had ever encountered in this life.

Her life here taught me how much I was living in fear. It’s time to LIVE LOUD…like she did💜.

My lifelong best friend went in for stomach issues and was hospitalized last summer.

They told her it was diverticulitis.

Turned out on October 1, 2022, it was formally diagnosed as high grade serous carcinoma….essentially ovarian cancer.

She was 48 years old.

She’s still with us, fighting, inspiring, and somehow still changing the world around her.

Her illness has changed me, in ways I wasn’t expecting.

Her steadfast heart and grace astound me💜.

Another beautiful friend who went in for her first colonoscopy….they found colon cancer.

48 years young.

I hadn’t seen her in 30 years, so we decided this spring, it was time.

Time….never enough of it, yet our most precious entity.

Recently, a dear friend, his first colonoscopy at 55.

And now, Colon cancer.

My heart hurts.

And to be honest, I don’t understand.

It has thrown me down to the ground and taken the air out of my lungs.

Too young. Too soon. Too much.

Some friends don’t understand why I cancel every other coffee date with them, why I just “can’t “, when I am drowning underneath my loved one’s bad news on a scan, or celebrating a good day with them.

Time with them is of the essence.

They have a ticking bomb in their life..and we don’t know when it will go off.

It’s called Cancer.

I think it’s a demonic plague of our time and I wish it would just disappear like a storm cloud on a determined sunny day.

It’s so unexpected.

So destructive.

And yet, so beautiful…all at the same time.

How another life can impact so many has been made very clear to me the past 2 years.

To watch another human go through so much suffering, yet hold onto this unbreakable rope of hope.

To witness the gifts that unfold.

To inherit the desire to become a better soul.

To live more fully.

To cherish the simplicity of each breath.

There’s beauty in that. 💜

All of these occurrences have thrown my own mortality into a new perspective.

It’s as if fate brought a huge lemon meringue pie to a party and pushed it directly into my face, shoving it into my eyes, up my nose and literally choking me with a new reality.

I recently told fate to “Fuck off”.

I went back to what I can control.

And that would be every moment I am upright and breathing.

I began running and lifting again…absorbing empowering songs that speak to me at this point in my life.

“Each day’s a gift and not a given right.”

“Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind. “

“If today was your last day…..”

Nickleback, I thank you 🙏.

I feel this sense of urgency.

Tomorrow is not promised, and I know it never was.

But, what if we decided to REALLY LIVE today???

Like, think about this…

Meet Joe Black.

You were just told your time is coming to a close.

What would you do differently?

Would you stay where you are?

Is there Anyone you need to connect with, forgive, show up for?

Is the job you are working promoting happiness or are you on a never ending hamster wheel with no end in sight?

How do we LIVE like there’s no tomorrow?

By LOVING, FORGIVING, EMBRACING, INHALING, and LIVING for this moment…TODAY !!!!

Go on a walk and actually look up at the sky.

Stop and say hello to a stranger and make them smile.

Give.

Love.

And never lose your sense of wonder.

DO IT NOW✔️

Thank you, Lord, for placing these souls in my life and in my heart. To teach me, to strengthen me, and to help me see your wondrous works. I trust that with YOU, all things are possible. ❤️

Sending love to you all today and always.

Love you more,

Linda💜