“How could I Make you so small when you’re the ONE who holds it ALL?

“When did I forget that you’ve always been the King of the World?”

Such a powerful song by Natalie Grant.

King of the World.

Came across this song on a February day and it paralyzed me.

It was the message I had been thirsting for. The answer to a prayer.

And He brought it to me.

And because of this song, His Grace, and the stillness that I was “forced” into, over the course of this winter, I must share.

I’ve been away. And I missed this life.

But, I had to leave for awhile and truly feel…and heal. He knew what was best for me.

I missed the 5am workouts, the hustle and bustle of my career, the laughter of friends…I missed my life. Unknown to me at the time, I had to step away.

They say you don’t truly appreciate something until it is taken away from you. I now believe that is true.

You may wonder what happened? Was it a cancer scare? A life altering event? What?

None of the above, my friends.

It was a wisdom tooth.

I could go back to early December and tell you how my siblings contacted me to tell me my Dad was dying. I could share how aggressive and evil they were. I could share how my Dad was in hospice care,only 5 minutes from my home, and my Mom and Sister kept that from my children and I. I could tell you he passed on the last day on 2017….and we never had the chance to say goodbye.

But, I’ll save that for another time because… “I’m over it”, “I’m over the grief”, “I have moved on with my life” and “it doesn’t hurt anymore”.

Well, that’s what I thought anyway.

I was reminded of my pain when my jaw started to “bang”.

As I reflect on life, I continue to see.

Like, actually SEE how God’s best masterpieces are molded in the darkness.

This February, He began reshaping me.

I really struggled with the passing of my Dad. I truly didn’t know how to grieve for the “loss”of him.

All the kind messages, cards and people reaching out. I imagined that in another’s world, it would be a horrific tragedy.

To lose your role model in life, your “first love”, your Daddy.

But I didn’t have any of those feelings or really even a Dad.

So…How do you cry for a man who caused you so much pain? I didn’t have a lot of memories to hold onto. No special gifts, only a handful of photos, not even a card signed in his handwriting.

My husband, children, even very close friends…didn’t know how to comfort me. They didn’t know what to do or say. And, I didn’t know what to tell them.

Because, for almost a decade, I had boasted “when He dies someday, it won’t affect me”…he had been absent most of my childhood…and I had walked away. I believed all if my “self talk”, until the winter came…and stayed.

I pushed through my busy, upbeat life. Giving myself a week of “down” time. I ached for things to go back to normal.

With no funeral or service planned, I had to do something for closure.

I submitted an obituary. My children, husband and I held a small service for my Dad. We lit paper lanterns and had root beer floats(his favorite treat),and I even made a playlist.

All the songs I once dreaded singing to…were all I had left to hold onto.

I’ve realized that the grief that I choked down would eventually Rise out of me, but I figured it would be little by little. And over time…in my time… when it was convenient and planned. But, I was reminded that I am NOT in control… in a most unexpected way.

My wisdom tooth stopped me in my tracks that ordinary Monday.

Now, some may say I am “reaching” with how it all went down. Some would say it was nothing. Others wouldn’t react the way that I did. Some may say I could turn my events into anything I wanted. It may have been just a wisdom tooth, but to me, it was an awakening.

I’ll tell you this…. you didn’t pray my specific prayers. You didn’t sit in the stillness. You didn’t feel and grow and cry and heal with me. You can’t ever “see” what I was shown.

It was all for a reason.

I will always believe 💕

Long story short……

God took back control.

Id like to think He’d been letting me hold the reins for the past year or so.

In my small world, I had life licked.

4am wake up, structured day, happy life, healthy, secure… and all is well. Pretty easy to be positive and strong when everything is going right.

But, I think He wanted me to sit with Him for awhile. So, He flipped the table over and all the dishes, cups, and “structures” came crashing down. At first, I was angry with Him for making a mess out of my perfectly planned little life.

I had forgotten how far I had come. I had been lacking appreciation for the small things. I had been fooling myself, thinking I was “strong enough” on my own.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I pray daily.

I trust, I rely, I worship.

Or do I?

I was awakened.

I started feeling like I was coming down with something during a Friday morning workout. My jaw hurt, I was having trouble working out, and had chills. I told myself I was probably getting the flu everyone had.

I decided to take it slow the rest of the day and laid low all weekend. By Sunday, I accepted that maybe I had an infected tooth. Called the dentist Monday and went in to see what was up. Something small, I’m sure.

I’ll be back at it tomorrow.

But God had a different plan.

I had a severe infection due to a wisdom tooth and needed it out asap. It was very bad, almost dangerous. Well, that would explain the way I felt.

If you’ve ever seen Grey’s Anatomy, you’ll know this…

“Trauma 1”.

For me, it has a bit of a different meaning. My anxiety went through the roof and I was in full blown emergency mode. I probably should have been put in a trauma room 😉

Because of childhood events, many unexpected things present themselves in very dramatic ways for me.

Most people can “deal” with inconvenient events. I usually can as well. Frustrated to have to put my schedule on hold, an unplanned expense, right? I wish.

This “unexpected ” event became a big one.

But, bigger and more aggressive than it should have been. And I now realize it was so I would be still.

I had the wisdom tooth surgery in early February and recovered quite quickly. In any “normal” circumstance, I should have been back at it. I was cleared for the gym, physically healthy, looked good, pain free. But, I just couldn’t get past something.

At first I thought it was anxiety. I practiced yoga, walked the dog, did meditation, and prayed.

I just felt heavy.

I couldn’t seem to keep my appointments with friends. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to see anyone. And I had forgotten all that I had in front of me. The grief that I had been hiding from had come to sit with me.

And I felt like it wasn’t just sitting with me, but it was holding me down.

I learned, many years ago, that in order to release an emotion, you must acknowledge it and literally SIT with it.

Feel it, breathe it in.

Once you have acknowledged and released it, it no longer has power over you.

All of these years, all the work I had put into myself and my healing.

I had forgotten the most important rule.

“What you resist will persist “.

So God took my life back.

He used my wisdom tooth to quiet me. When I fought that and tried to run, He brought my anxiety in.

When I thought I was more powerful than that, He brought me to Grief.

And there I sat…..in the middle of this gray, cold winter ❄️

Pissed off because I was missing out.

Mad as hell because I wasn’t “on vacation”, wasn’t busy, couldn’t, would never….it’s not fair!!!!!!!

And then, I turned on Spotify.

I felt like someone slapped me in the face.

“When did I forget that you’ve always been the King of the World?”

I was speechless. The tears of relief and release came. Why was I carrying this heavy load?

He wants to care for me. He wants to take my burdens away.

He’s got it under control.

At that moment, a light switch went on!

He silenced me in order to hold me….and heal me.

Perfectly. Precisely. With His unconditional, unimaginable LOVE ❤️.

In the silent moments, He reminded me of memories I had long forgotten of my Dad.

He showed me how much my Dad loved me(in the ways he knew how).

And through my pain, depression, and severe anxiety…..allowed me to feel empathy for my Dads struggles.

I “felt” and could finally understand my Father’s life long pain. I felt sadness, compassion for my Dad, and a new form of peace I had not felt before.

There is beauty in the release.

I cried for my Dad, because of him, and for the future there will never be. I let it all go and accepted that he will always be with me and a will be a part of me. And I made a promise to myself to celebrate that intricate piece of me. I’ll sing loud, Dad. I’ll dance when I’m happy. And I’ll alway toast you when I drink a root beer float and..probably….cry a little bit, too when I see a shooting ⭐️ star.

There is peace in the passing.

Through forgiveness, I can only see the good memories now. I can remember that day we sat outside, drinking fresh lemonade. I can feel his hand holding mine, while we searched for the constellations in the summer sky.

And I would never be, could have never known, and now can be….all He has planned for me, because of this time. And for that, I am grateful.

To say that I am HERE…. would be an understatement.

To say that I can finally SEE the gratitude in the morning.

To feel the warmth of my loved ones hands.

The simplicity of the laughter.

The humor in this “never ending” winter…..❄️

This was not the way I had “planned” for the last couple of months to go.

But, I now believe, more than I ever have…that God’s plans are always so much better than mine.

There’ll be more to come, friends.

For today, love, live and look up.

And don’t forget WHO is in control 😉

I hope this offers you peace, empathy for others, and the strength to share ☀️

Much love,

Linda🦋

Well, hello.

“Welcome back”.

Maybe that’s what my readers should be saying to me. I have been “absent” from my days and I am finally back.

It has been a long ass Month. Let me tell you.

I mean, I had my goals written down, my schedule prepped for the weeks ahead and a fool proof gameplan for unstoppable success.

And then, life took back control. And I had to remember “who” was really in charge.

You know, you think you can prepare yourself. You think all the physical and mental work will be at your beck and call.

Then, your heart gets in the way and screws it all up. Let’s just say, I knew I had to grieve.

We don’t get back to our Power without first going through the PAIN.

I felt it.

And I learned some life lessons along the way. Remember, every ounce of struggle is an opportunity to grow.

I felt the call to write about the past 25 days or so and share some lessons , well, about this thing we refer to as LIFE.

In 25 days, I was reminded of it’s fragility. Of it’s uncertainty and just how very precious it truly is.

All from some very unrelated subjects and people.

We seem to move through each day flawlessly. The minutes and hours blend into days, routines, developed schedules and months. And for whatever reason, time flies by, but yet…there never seems to be enough.

I often hear(and use) the phrase,” I can’t make it, we are so busy”, or “let’s make a plan” (6 weeks out). Well, with what I have learned and have been awakened to in the last 25 days….I will be making every effort to live life NOW.

My husband’s family has been traveling to Door County for an extended Christmas vacation for many years now. This year was no different. Same cabin, same games, amazing memories, loving life, and family.

A few weeks before the holidays, I was contacted by one of my siblings, letting me know my Dad was not well and he was placed in hospice care. My father and I have not spoken or seen one another for almost 8 years due to many previous and recurring toxic events. I distanced myself to save myself and break the vicious cycle. I always thought that the day I would “get the news” of my parents passing or being ill, it wouldn’t affect me, as I hadn’t seen them in so many years.

Boy, was I wrong.

It knocked me on my ass.

I didn’t realize that all of the years we had missed would hit me so hard. So much time had been wasted, and now, that time was quickly running out.

My first reaction, as you can imagine, was panic. “What do I do?” “Do I go see him and say my goodbyes?”

But, in the quiet Moments of prayer, I realized, I had done so many years prior.

It’s a long, chaotic story of the how’s and whys, but just keep this part tucked away for now.

In the midst of hearing the news about my Dad, my oldest daughter had reached out to my Mom and sister to find out where he was. They wouldn’t tell her. In their cyclone of anger, they took away the opportunity for my daughter to see her Grandpa, maybe for the last time.

We moved past it, as we do. And accepted things for what they were.

My oldest son said it best. He said,”why don’t you just wait to see Grandpa on the other side someday?” That calmed us and brought peace back into our hearts.

The tables turned on us, however, when we found out that he was in the hospital in our city. My Mom and sister took away our right to visit him….and he was only minutes away!

Once we found that out, my daughter and I decided we would go visit him after the First of the year, when we had returned from vacation.

But, God had a different plan in place.

As we were leaving the area to head home, we got the call. My Dad passed away on December 31st. Time had run out.

That was Lesson #1.

Upon grieving and working through this beautiful, chaotic, confusing mess of grief, I learned that some former clients of mine were about to go “into battle”.

I am a Realtor. That in itself should say it all. I am a Mom, Counselor, Educator, Trusted Advisor, Advocate and ultimately…..Friend. I go through a huge life changing event with each person and we bond. To say that this couple was any different, would be untrue.

When I met them, they were this beautiful, young couple; set to be married, excited about their new journey.

That was Only 3 years ago.

And now, the young husband learns he has cancer, after an emergency room visit one night. They had also found out they were expecting.

I wish I could tell you the story had a happy ending…..he lost his battle with cancer just the other day and their baby also passed away. Tragedy. Unimaginable loss.

Now, she is left with a life…..changed in moments… and turned upside down. It all happened….within a moment.

That was Lesson #2

Then, on a completely separate note, I didn’t “show up” for my assignment last week.

If you have read “The Universe Has Your Back” by Gabby Bernstein, you’ll know what I mean. If not, let me explain.

The “universe”, God, your creator…whatever you may believe, invites you, opens doors for you, shows you who you are created to be, need to be, and CAN be. We, as humans, tend to be blind and sometimes, ignore the signs.

My definition of “blind” is afraid, weak, fearful. Those emotions and LOVE cannot coexist.

I didn’t show up for an opportunity and freaked out when I thought it was missed.

Luckily, it wasn’t. I was open enough to “see” it and grab on in a different way. In this instance, there was still “time”.

This was Lesson #3.

So many lessons, so much education, in so little time. Just 25 DAYS!

That’s where I have been, friends.

Rerouted. Still. Receiving. Healing. Grateful.

However,

Lesson #1, showed me that I have FORGIVEN my Father and released my past completely and fully. I have found so much collateral beauty after his passing. He is finally at rest.

A new relationship with my oldest brother, a confirmation of “why” I had the childhood I did, and the knowledge that my Dad and I loved one another. Funny how the things I once despised(country music songs we used to sing) have brought me comfort and joy.

Beautiful, precious release.

And, absolute PEACE.

I couldn’t understand it all when I was young. But, it has been shown to me now. It was all for a reason. That reason, was NOW.

My journey through my past led me to seek out a way to help others “like me”. I signed up for a coaching class last August and received my Certification this November, just days before I received the news of my Dad’s condition. And, I knew it was time.

Not only will I continue to be a FULL time Realtor, but I have decided to share my gift of healing with others. My mission is to heal adults from childhood trauma, with my experience and knowledge. To Renovate others from the inside out, so they, too, may Rise. 🦋

And, the beauty is that this GIFT would not be a part of me without the climb I had to take to be who I am today.

And I am thankful for the journey.

And Lesson #2….

My client’s journey revealed to me how very precious our time here is. And how unpredictable each minute, hour, day can…and will be.

It reminded me to grab each opportunity, loved one, friend, moment. And to not be AFRAID. To love big, crazy, and without regard. So look out friends and family!💋

And to be PRESENT….more than ever before. Because the “What ifs” encircled my head and the “How would I handle this” hammered at my heart.

I will be HERE, NOW, in THIS moment….so if this is the last MOMENT , I will have lived it well💜

And Lesson #3…

Well, I learned that I need to get out of my own way. My husband will smile at that. He’s been telling me that phrase for YEARS. And, I finally understand what it really means in my world.

So, I’m back💥💥💥

In all sorts of amazing, enlightened ways.

My empathy, compassion and true understanding for others has been amplified. And my quest for my BEST SELF and fulfillment of my ULTIMATE PURPOSE solidified.

I’m starting the NEW YEAR today, January 24, 2018….and I know that is ok.

It took 25 days of being knocked down, caught off guard, carried back to gratitude and healing, to get me to the top of my mountain.

I’m back on top…..and the view???? It is BREATHTAKING ☀️☀️☀️

Stay tuned.

As I sometimes say, “Shit’s about to get real”

My eyes are open, my running shoes are on and I am ready to MOVE✅

See the beauty in it all. The struggle. The pain.

“No more sadness, no more pain. Only peace and love remain “❤

Thanks for all the lessons….I “get it” now.

Much love,

Linda 💜

All I know is that when I was a child, I didn’t really understand what all the hustle and bustle and celebration of a holiday called “Christmas ” was about. I knew that there was a vacation from school, my friends had “family” coming to town and they all returned with new clothes and smiles on their faces. I came back exhausted and confused.

As I got a bit older, I picked up on the fact that this was a pretty big deal and it had much meaning to it, too.

Now, I know….you’re probably thinking,”how sad”, “poor thing”, or if you are like many of my friends and “family”…you can’t even imagine. And that, my friends, is A ok.

It was all for a reason 🎄

My Grandma is my warmest memory of what Christmas means to me.

I remember waking up to the smells of her freshly baked sandbakkels, date filled cookies and other goodies. I remember coming down the stairs and nestling my face into her apron, as she wrapped her worn hands around my little head, for a hug only she knew how to give.

I carry that beautiful memory inside…still to this day❤

I didn’t know the meaning of this time of year, but I knew the feelings it invoked.

Generosity, happiness, safety and love.

I share a lot about growing up in an abusive, abandoned environment to offer strength. To others who have lived through similar circumstances and to those who are living it now.

I’ve learned as I age, it was all for a purpose….and I survived because of my faith, hope and perspective.

As I reflect this Holiday season, some mornings I just sit and stare…..at the lights on my Christmas tree.

I listen to the silence and remember a time gone by….today, it was 4th grade.

Just when I thought life couldn’t get any worse.

It was the winter of 4th grade and my parents seemed to have forgotten Christmas. I recall a cold winter night, the smell of beer streaming in the air, cigarette smoke haze… and of course, the ever present argument and fight my parents shared.

I calmly walked into my Grandmas bedroom, where she kept all her treasured things. And, grabbing a step stool, I started to carry out her precious decorations. I took the artificial tree out of storage and made a decision that night.

My current situation and someone else’s decisions would not affect mine. My parents were hurting and in doing so, they were hurting me. I was a child and deserved better. So, I decided to take back control of me.

What is Christmas without a tree?

So, at the age of 9, in the midst of insanity, I turned on my Grandmas favorites Christmas music 🎶 and decorated that tree!

While “The Little Drummer Boy” played, I moved another step closer to who I wanted to be.

And for a few moments, life felt normal.

I imagined how some of my friends “tree decorating moments” must have gone down. Maybe they had cookies and milk after. Maybe their parents sang or gave them special ornaments to hang. I remember promising myself that my children would never have to feel this way.

But, as sad and lonely as it may have seemed, God let it be a beautiful memory for me. You see, that night, I felt the Christmas spirit inside.

I didn’t need what others had, nor did I need presents or cookies.

I mean, it would have been nice…but it was all part of His plan.

My heart grew that night. Kind of like “The Grinch”, you could say. I realized at the age of 9, that everything I would ever need, I already had…inside.

Love, hope, faith.

Love for others and for myself.

Hope for a better tomorrow and New Year.

And most importantly, Faith in what would someday be.

And now, at the age of 43….I am sometimes in disbelief.

That all of the things I promised myself all of those sad and disappointing Christmases ago…..He gave to me…. a thousand times over.

My tree is always lit up. There is music, cookies, children, the warmth of my husband, and laughter surrounding that tree.

There are presents, friends, food, and happiness.

And every single year, without a doubt, “The Little Drummer Boy” seems to come on the radio. The old, scratchy version that I used to play. And I know, as I roll out the dough for the Christmas cookies only she used to bake…that in that moment, Grandma is there.

And I know, without a doubt, that all I endured were for these moments….today.

The appreciation I feel for everything I have. The gratitude for my beautiful children’s presence. The unconditional love from family and friends. And the Christmas spirit that I have inside of my heart.

We all have some experiences we wish we could forget. But I believe that every single moment… of every part of the day…has a purpose for us.

To grow.

To appreciate.

To learn how to love bigger and better.

To make the next generation even greater.

To make that Christmas tree shine brighter every single year.

This Christmas and always, I hope you can see. That the spirit isn’t in the gifts, the parties, the cookies, the tree. It isn’t about what we have or don’t have.

The spirit of Christmas is within you and me 💜

Happy Holidays. I wish you blessings that stretch beyond anything you could ever imagine. 🎄🎄🎄🎄

Happiness and peace are inside…you just have to BELIEVE 💜

Much love,

Linda 🦋

So, this is really, really hard to discuss.

It’s really difficult for me to share, but I feel this pull that I need to. I mean, no one knew this is who I was…I think I pulled off the part of the happy, bouncy, perfect lady to all who knew me quite well, right?

Well, here’s your morning eye opener.

If it helps the mom who has to pull herself out of bed each morning.

If it allows the young man to see that he is not alone.

If it empowers you to heal.

If my story shows you that there is happiness inside of you.

If it helps just one beautiful soul……this is my WHY.

So here is my story.

This WAS me.

I suffered from depression. They were some of the darkest days of my entire life.

Depression HURTS.

You can’t seem to move your body, to get up out of that mint green polka dot chair. You can’t drink enough wine, because you are still sober enough to feel. You can’t possibly eat enough food….you still feel empty. And you truly just want to go to sleep(or at least I did)….so for just a moment, you don’t feel the emptiness and pain.

I wanted others to “fix” me and couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t. Mainly, my husband… “He” wasn’t making “Me” happy. He wasn’t doing enough…giving me his time, fulfilling me, etc. etc. etc.

And my so called “friends”? Where the hell had they disappeared to? How dare them LIVe their lives to the fullest! You got a new car? A new job? You’re happy?? Well…. to hell with you. I’m not happy, so why should you be?

When is it my “turn”?!? And how are they ok?

Ever feel this way or think these things?

I’ve learned, through much work and self healing, that I was intentionally hurting and shutting out those I loved.

“People who are hurting, hurt others”.

I remember sitting in my living room one morning, after the kids had gone to school.

I just sat there…and cried for hours. And….I didn’t know why.

My husband said, “I think you are depressed”….what does he know?! I told him he was wrong.

It wasn’t DEPRESSION. It was my stress. About him, the kids, money, work, life.

And, that my friends, was bullshit.

It wasn’t until the last 3 years that I was able to look back and truly see how dark my days had been.

This is very personal and difficult to share, but I know that many of you reading this will be able to identify.

I remember the darkness as far back as a decade ago.

Waking up in the morning, although difficult, I knew I had to…for my children. I’d put on my overly excited, happy face and make their lunches, breakfasts, build them up, and off they’d go… to school.

I remember, some days, watching them walk down the block. Thinking to myself, “you have 7 hours to pull yourself together”.

The door would close and I would clean up and ….start to cry.

I hated my life. I was so lonely. So sad and so tired….all of the time.

I couldn’t see the beauty in front of me. I couldn’t see what others “thought” I had. All I could see was gray skies and nothing but an uphill climb in front of me.

Every single day.

I DID look forward to the night time. Whether that be to sleep and shut down or because it was wine and snack time…either way, it was “coping” time for this gal.

I just remember feeling so very heavy. Not “weight wise”, but it was as if my limbs literally had weights tied to them. Everything and everyone was a “chore” for me.

And the strange this was, as lonely as I felt, I just wanted to be left alone.

I beat myself up a lot in those days.

I felt the guilt of not being able to “save” my parents, I beat myself up about my “failed” marriage(with my first husband), I hated the person I saw in the mirror, I hated my house(which I now love, and did back then too), my clothes, car, friends(even though they were amazing)…..but most of all, I hated this Demon inside of me that seemed to have control over all of these things that, logically, I knew, I truly LOVED.

That is the moment, when I knew I was battling something bigger than me.

I actually broke down and accepted that I was suffering from DEPRESSION.

And that was the beginning of my recovery.

Did you know that almost 19 million people suffer from some form of depression??

Now, you must know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ❤

In today’s world, it seems as though it has become an epidemic. Or is it that we are just more “aware” of it?

I’ll tell you, I have been “aware” of depression most of my life, and even so, I couldn’t “see” it taking hold of me.

My father was a text book example. He couldn’t hold down a job, was an alcoholic, slept a lot, cried uncontrollably, among a multitude of other symptoms.

My mother “hid” her depression behind her “dead” eyes, her cold demeanor and her lack of interest in anything at all.

I can now “understand ” why the alcohol was so addictive to them. It numbed the pain…. temporarily.

You see, drugs(illegal or prescribed), alcohol, being overly busy(I call that “running from the pain”), the material possession addiction, sex, food, and that “oh so familiar perma smile”….only masks what lies deep within.

Until you RECOGNIZE. ACCEPT. And SEEK out HELP, you cannot begin to heal.

Trust me, I know.

Many souls float through life with the Demon inside and never take the time to look at how much destruction they have done to themselves and others. Not to mention the path of pain they have left behind.

This past week, I was “unwillingly”contacted by 2 of my siblings. Both of them are vicious, angry, mentally ill individuals. My heart breaks for them and their struggles.

I know that the 6 of us grew up with mentally ill, alcoholic parents, which predisposed us to a multitude of problems and issues to arise in our adult lives.

Of my 6 siblings, one took his own life(in order to escape his pain),one is very broken and suffers from manic depression (we see her a lot and then not for a decade at a time), the 2 that contacted me are carrying much resentment, tremendous hurt and are both battling addictions. And then, there are the 2 of us that left the family to save ourselves. I can’t speak for my oldest brother, but I fight anxiety on a daily basis and am now aware of my bout with depression. I hope I will recognize it if it returns. I also have equipped myself with a number of ways to “fight” it… if it decides to come back for a visit.

Mental illness is passed within a family.

I often say that I wish I had the knowledge to sit with and diagnose my parents… how Eye opening and profound that would be.

What the world and our family/friends need to accept and recognize is that you can’t just “get happy”. You can’t wish it away, lock it up or just get better.

It is a mental illness.

Illness is defined as “A disease or period of sickness affecting the body or the MIND “.

It is a sickness. And we need to treat it as such!!

It’s not something we bring upon ourselves, it’s not something that just goes away. It needs to be treated. Those suffering it’s tight hold need to be acknowledged and helped. Just as if they were suffering from the influenza or a debilitating disease.

As a society, within our families, friend groups, etc…..we need to become more educated… and empathetic to our fellow humans who are suffering.

I know, from my experience and from walking with others on their journey, WE are some of the most determined, strongest souls that I know.

We are Fighters. Survivors. Warriors.

We don’t want to be sad. We don’t want to hurt.

We just want to be happy.

I KNOW there is a light at the end of the tunnel, for I found it.

There are resources, healthy ways to cope and overcome, and HOPE for those who suffer.

My first step was recognizing and in doing so, I sought out help. In gaining strength and taking back control, I did my research and found what worked for me.

Self love is so healing and empowering.

In caring for myself and learning to love myself, completely and fully, I found true JOY.

I still have the “gray” moments from time to time. It can be when I am carrying a heavy stress load, maybe it’s just an off day.

On those days, I become even more proactive in my self care. Those are the days I schedule a massage, get a pedicure or go extra hard at the gym. A simple cup of hot tea. A warm, relaxing bath. And truth be told…. the stroking of my own hand, telling myself “I love you” and you’re going to be ok 💜.

“What we resist, will persist “.

If you are just walking onto the battlefield, in the middle of war, or just beginning to see the sunrise again….hang onto your HOPE.

There is help all around.

And, I promise you friends, there is JOY waiting to be found.

Much love,

Linda 💜

And…. so we begin.

I have come across so many people in my 43 years that are so “forward focused” they have forgotten to enjoy today.

Why is it, that, we, as humans can do these things?

We Commit to concentrating on a goal ten years out, we sacrifice our health and happiness for a material object…and some have even sacrificed time with their growing children and spouses to get there.

But, why?

We are so hell bent on BECOMING that we can’t see we are already there.

I had one of those life changing moments a couple years ago, and again…this past winter.

I was so focused on the end of my goal that I wasn’t present in the midst of the journey. I realized this, as I was feeling numb. I had disconnected from friends, was conversing with vague comments, and was feeling tired and empty.

I awoke one cold, winter morning and was blinded by the moon. I realized there were millions of tiny stars, glimmering in the sky , but the moon had to “shock” me for me to be reminded of its presence.

The Stars symbolized my “to do” lists, but what about the moon(everything I already had)?

It took me back a few steps. And it was good.

After my last crossfit competition, I was also stopped in my tracks.

I competed that weekend and tried to go back to my normal routine and strict workout calendar. My arm, which developed tendinitis, would not allow me to do so.

I was taken back.

I couldn’t do the workouts, due to the pain and risk of injury. I was forced to analyze myself once again.

Ever have those moments when you feel like God has stepped in?

I do.

This was one of them.

I worked so hard to get where I was, I was so focused on a goal. And now you stop me?

Instead of doing what some may consider, I kept moving. Yoga(4-5 times a week), to keep me strong and centered. And….my arch enemy…we may as well get to know one another…running.

Yes, I started running……..Regularly. 😳

I also kept going back to the gym and “trying” things out. Even when things didn’t go my way, or the dumb bell was too heavy, I kept showing up…..or went on a run…or to yoga.

I’m happy to report, I am (almost) pain free. And what I learned this past month has strengthened me as a human, in more than one way.

I was forced to…and then decided to…”let the fog roll in”🌫.

In going through this process, I read a devotion on living in the present moment. It was about trust and how sometimes, to ensure your trust in Him, the fog rolls in. He will only allow you to see right in front of you, so you stop focusing on what’s ahead and enjoy the journey.

That’s what He did for me. ❤

My husband and I have talked many times about what we are willing to sacrifice and/or put off. In today’s world, it’s easy to try to keep up with those around us.

Work,work,work. Volunteer. Level up.

We vary on what we agree and disagree on.

My belief has always been that a career is great, volunteering is fulfilling and amazing, and your accomplishments and acquaintances are worth remembering.

But, what really matters at the end of each day?

In my heart, it’s the love I leave behind. It’s the time I spent with the people who will have trouble getting out of bed when my body is no longer here.

It’s the time.

The now.

These moments.

You know, the ones that seem so small.

I find it enlightening that my children seem to remember the “ordinary ” days most fondly. The talks in the car, the nights we sat up studying and eating olives, and the 5 minute dance parties.

They make them smile. And will continue to be remembered when I am gone.

I can be replaced at my office, as a volunteer, as another body at a party…..but no one will ever take my place at the dinner table, the dance recital or the wedding.

This. This is how I carry out my days. 💜

And…. it’s not always easy.

2017 is not an easy time for us to “be”.

But, in order to live our best life NOW, we must take control of what makes our heart happy.

The best advice I can lay out?

Start saying NO…or….Start saying YES.

You decide.

Will this matter in my life in 10 minutes, 10 days, or 10 years?

Prioritize, based on how you want to LIVE….Not on how others think your life should be lived.

And sometimes…have that dance party.

It’s ok to “take a moment ” to be carefree.

Be aware, friends.

If you’re driving through life too fast, you may be forced to slow down….as the fog rolls in.

Today is a gift. BE PRESENT 🎁.

Much love,

Linda 🦋

“I remember waking up each morning. Sweaty, heart racing, afraid to open my eyes…even before my feet would hit the floor”. My earliest memories start around 3 years old.

In my 20s, I thought I had them licked. But, they were only hiding.

Waiting, silently, to slink back in.

“When you feel my heat, look into my eyes…it’s where my Demons hide, it’s where my Demons hide. Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside”. Trust me, it pitch f****ing black, and I didn’t even know it.

This blog is written today, to open up a discussion. We all have demons. Most of us fight them on a daily basis.

Behind the smiles, the long lashes, fancy cars and selfies on Facebook.

But, who ever talks about them?

Me.

And why you may ask?

Well, each morning, around 3:37am, I return. I roll out of bed sluggishly, grab my cup of coffee, and sit in my favorite chair.

And then they come.

The demons.

Doubt.

Lack of Worth.

The memories and triggers of a time gone by, but not forgotten.

So, I read my devotional and pray.

I pray this prayer…”Lord, how would you use me today?”

Over and over again. Eyes closed. Heart open.

After a few moments, the demons slip away.

Peace and power Reside.

Faith and fear cannot be in the same room, my friends. And I choose FAITH 💜

I become open to however and wherever God needs me today. I am an instrument of His love and peace.

And that, in itself, sets me free.

So, back to the Demons.

Those mother f****ers.

As I said, I thought they had left.

But, it seems they never do.

Shortly after my divorce (mid 30s), they reappeared….with a vengeance.

The outside world thought I had it all. Successful career, perfect family, money, love, everything. And I can now see why. It’s the picture I had painted. I took much time and effort creating that masterpiece. No way in hell would I let my past destroy it.

But, as with anything in life, lies, the truth, lack of caring for your health…it catches up with you.

I was struggling through a child custody battle one day when I could feel myself snapping. I could feel the demons grabbing on. When I describe my demons, it always feels like my insides are wrestling. And in reality, they probably are!

I feel torn, wretched, ugly and weak.

And I don’t know about you, but I feel broken inside.

I want everyone around me to hurt because I am in so much pain.

And that, is not a good thing.

So, one day, I went to a counselor. I was blaming and slinging mud at everyone in my world and I was hoping she would agree with me and solidify what assholes everyone was. But, on that life changing afternoon, she did anything but that. She told me that I was my own problem and I needed to come back!

What?!

I was floored. How rude!

Couldn’t this woman see what I had been through? I was strong and resilient and a good person.

I was wrong.

I had never been so weak and hardened and angry in my life. And I was the only one who couldn’t see it.

Not only had my demons taken control of me, they were also destroying everything I had worked so hard to build.

Relationships, trust, strength, forgiveness and inner peace.

They say the pain stays with us until we have learned the lesson it is trying to teach. I believe that now, more than ever.

So, I came back to the counselor that next week. Defensive and pissed off. But, in those hours we spent breaking down barriers and digging up childhood tragedies, we exorcised many of my demons forever.

It’s been a long road. Almost a decade of self love, a lot of work and finally finding (and learning to accept) unconditional love, but I feel free.

Keep in mind, this is no Cinderella story…. I’m not stopping here with a sweet fairytale ending. I do have a charming, strong, irreplaceable prince. I was blessed to be a mother to 4 of the most beautiful souls God ever graced the ground with. And I have found a family, although we do not share the same DNA.

However, I get up every day, at 3:37 am to fight.

No more sadness and no more pain. Only peace and love remain.

I have learned to forgive. I have learned to accept my losses. But, the most empowering, healing thing I have ever done?

I give it all to GOD.

The sadness, the pain. The loneliness and shame. The guilt and the blame.

And also all the gratitude and glory my heart can hold 🙏🏻

I stay close to the ONE who created me and carried me through those awful days. The days without food. The days without love, warmth or joy.

He held me when I lay in a fetal position on my bed, crying in pain, at 35 and rejoices with me when my laughter fills the room at 43.

You see, the demons can and will hide. Our faith must be greater than our fear.

When we confront them head on, they lose their power.

I end this blog with my latest success.

A few weeks ago, I was in a crossfit competition. Burpees, ring rows, and deadlifts to name a few of the movements. I had been breaking through barriers with the deadlifts for a few weeks and was very focused on hitting my heaviest weight ever. 185 lbs. I told my husband that week that I would feel like I gave my all if I could hit 185 5 times….something that seemed unattainable just a short time ago.

My partner and I did the first 2 workouts and then it was time.

I lifted each weight with ease, going higher and higher. We got to the last one. The bar with 185 lbs on it…..and I froze.

The demons stepped in.

I’ve been told by my coaches that I finally entered the “zone” that day as I feel like I was watching from above.

I squatted down to grab the bar, only to see it was a brand new barbell. That may not mean anything to you, but in my world it was a block. “The new ones have more texture and rip up my hands. I don’t want to bleed. “.

Enter Demon #1.

I squatted there, with the weight belt tight around my waist and realized my back was hurting. “I don’t need to be doing this…what are you trying to prove?”

“You’re weak, you’re gonna hurt yourself, you can’t, you aren’t good enough, you don’t fit in”.

Enter Demon #2.

And for the grand finale……..

Apparently I was stronger than I thought. More fierce than the voices told me. More resilient and self assured than even I knew.

In my head, I took over.

“No. You don’t get to take this from me. This is what I came here for.”

I wrapped my tiny hands with my perfectly, polished red nails around that bar and lifted it like I owned it.

185…1,2,3. “Fuck you, Dad!” I said aloud.

I put it down and hugged the judge and my partner and started to cry.

I picked it back up and lifted it 2 more times.

185 x 5💪🏻

I took control of my mind…and won.

I didn’t let the old recordings of my Dad telling me how weak and worthless I was play louder than the ones who know my true self.

I grabbed that needle and scratched that record to hell, held it over my head and threw it to the ground. It shattered into a million pieces that day and blew the fu** away. Into space.

Never again will the demons tell me I can’t.

Or that I am not good enough.

Or strong enough.

Because I proved to myself that I AM.

That lift taught me 2 things.

1.) The demons still reside, waiting to pounce.

2.) I am stronger than my greatest demons.

So, now every morning, as I sip my coffee, I say..

Here’s to you, beautiful soul.

The gift 🎁 of this new day.

You deserve to be free, too.

Take back control of you.

Remember, fear and faith cannot be in the same room.

Always remember one thing…..

“You are braver than you think, stronger than you know, and hold more power inside than you could ever imagine ”

Now, when the Demons want to come out of hiding, I welcome them one by one.

What we resist will persist and I want these demons gone.

Game on.

I don’t think they realized who they were messing with😉

Much love,

Linda 💜

I never knew what it felt like, living with the day to day chaos during childhood.

I couldn’t imagine being able to harness it during the time I was raising my beautiful babies(4 children all under the age of 6, and running a daycare).

And, I just knew that once I ventured into a real estate career, it would be unattainable.

It’s called Balance.

And, man oh man, was I wrong.

I have it!

And you can too.

Balance is defined as “An even distribution of weight, allowing an object (or person) to remain steady and upright”.

Now, think about that for a moment. There are 2 key words. STEADY And UPRIGHT.

Interesting.

Once I regained my Balance in life, I guess that is how I started to feel.

Steady. And upright.

I recall attending a seminar of some sort, about 4/5 years ago with a friend.

It was a women’s business conference or something similar.

The keynote speaker was there to talk to us women about Balance and how to handle all the roles we juggle everyday.

She was very visual. Changing hats to show how many times we as women change our roles throughout the day.

I know I certainly do!

I used to joke about being “Superman” ,without a phone booth, as I’d run home to change into my volunteer outfit, then back into my Realtor suit, then to soccer mom garb, and who knows what else!

I listened intently, as I believe my friend invited me for a reason.

You see, I was way off Balance.

I was eating poorly. By that, I mean, coffee for breakfast, maybe chips and ice cream for lunch around 3pm, and then out that night. A chaotic mess.

I was also close to my all time highest weight. My clothes were a mixture of “too tight” muffin top pants and big shirts to cover the muffin. And, I had more scarves and shoes then any human should. You know, because the shoes and scarves still fit.

I was getting up late, showing up to appointments late, forgetting my children’s events and royally screwing up my to do lists.

But, most importantly, I remember just feeling EMPTY.

Like, always.

Always chasing and running and feeling like there wasn’t any substance or purpose in my day.

Now, all you moms out there, and dads too.

I know I struck a chord.

Life in 2017 in insane.

Social events, media, “keeping up with the Jones’s”, careers, children, dinner, cleaning the house, the Holidays, family, and the ever dreaded laundry!

I hate laundry, by the way.

It’s this never ending demon.

You wash, dry, fold and what the hell?!?!?

There’s more?

Haha 😂

I know…you know… what I mean.

When and where is there time to breathe?

Well, you have to MAKE the time. 💜

About 3 years ago, I hit a point where my mental and physical health became a priority.

I started putting myself first.

Well, most days, it was about just keeping a promise to my soul that I would take 1 hour to “heal” me.

Now, that could be whatever worked that week.

Maybe I bought a new candle, took a bath that night, or took a moment to listen to a song I liked, in the garage, before going inside.

And, I know what you’re thinking now…but, I feel guilty.

If we only knew then what we know now.

Screw the guilt. Screw it.

As with anything, it gets easier as time goes on.

That guilt?

Disappears.

It’s Gone.

POOF!💥

We, as adults, devote ourselves to others all day long.

To our families, our friends, our jobs.

Why don’t we feel we deserve one on one time with our own souls?

I’ll tell you this, friends.

I stopped feeling guilty and started investing in myself first.

I begin at 3:43am, to be exact.

And it is amazing.

No one to text or call back.

No laundry to rotate.

No groceries to unload.

And the best thing? No guilt.

I mean, who the hell needs anything at 3:43 am?!

Most of the world is still fast asleep.

It took some practice and a bit of discipline… and commitment….and coffee ☕️, but I have mastered it.

And, now, I look forward to it!

I do some of my most creative work at that time. I solve issues at that time.

And I love myself FIRST at that time.

Now, it’s not for everyone.

But the message I am trying to send is this….

In order to find balance, we must make a distinct mental note as to what to put first each day.

I have learned that I am most optimal when I choose ME first.

I am a better mama, wife, friend, Realtor, coach, writer and mentor.

And I like me best when I am centered and in balance with who God has designed me to be.

I want you to do something beautiful the moment you are finished reading this.

I want you to write down 5 new ways to LOVE yourself and take care of your soul 🦋

Go get the paper and pen now!

I’ll wait 😉

Ok.

Got em?

Now, today/tonight…before you go to bed, choose 1 and do it.

Inhale the peace and love.

Smile and enjoy.

Now, tomorrow, pick another off that list and

REPEAT.

Fill your bucket First and watch your life, and those around you…..CHANGE.

Balance.

“It’s what’s for dinner”…or lunch..or breakfast.

Take back control of your life, friends.

Make today about YOU.

Much love,

Linda 💜

For more inspiration, follow me on Facebook “Renovate the Power Within You” and on Instagram too!

We moved to the “big city” at the young ages of 20, with a 3 month old baby in tow.

I didn’t want him to grow up where I did.

It was a limiting town, ghost like, at times.

So, we moved.

We rented a new townhouse on the southside of town.

I’d never lived anywhere other than my hometown, so this was BIG.

My husband worked a lot, so I could stay home with the baby, as that was very important to us.

Needless to say, my son and I spent a lot of time alone the first couple weeks.

Then, one day, a cheerful, bright eyed lady came knocking at my door. It was our next door neighbor, Pat.

She and her husband were over the road a lot, but this route, she happened to stay back.

She had a plate of cookies in one hand and a friendship in the other that would last almost 2 decades.

I didn’t know the memories she would leave behind or the impact she would make in my life, until it was too late.

My friend passed away last week.

Suddenly and tragically.

I never got to say “goodbye”.

Or “thank you”.

Or “Do you remember when?”

And… worse, will she ever know how much I appreciated her?

I can only believe so.

The day that I heard the news, I rushed back into my messages from her, to see when we last communicated.

It wasn’t so long ago.

She was my youngest son’s Godmother. She couldn’t make his Graduation party this past summer, due to her mother’s passing, but in the messages, we agreed we would meet for lunch….. this week.

My heart broke.

I was too late.

Why didn’t we find the time?

It’s life, I guess.

Just a moment…. too late 💔

I don’t know how to put into words what her strength and presence meant to me, so many years ago.

She was very involved with my children and I. She showed up when no one else could.

She babysat my babies.

Hugged me when I cried.

Showed up to all the birthday parties.

Cooked amazing meals for us.

Made me laugh.

Listened when I needed to talk.

And always, without a doubt, had my back.

But, time goes on and lives change.

She divorced, remarried and moved away.

I divorced and changed too.

Time marched on.

The kids got busier, life became more hectic and years passed us by.

I got to see her for my oldest son’s Graduation. She showed up….again.

He was her “monkey”.

They called her Aunt Pat.

We will never forget your smile, extraordinary light and amazing laugh.

We will never forget all you overcame and all you gave to those you loved.

We loved you, too.

Her name was Patti and she was my friend. 💜

Rest now, “dear one”.

Your life was well lived.

Thank you so much for being there.

I know I will see you Again…..and we will laugh until our stomachs hurt.

“I’m not afraid of death because I don’t believe in it. It’s just like getting out of one car and into another .”

John Lennon

Much love,

Linda

It seems as though every time I go on a new adventure, I learn a different lesson.

I feel so blessed that my eyes are open and able to see things through the “eyes of love”.

May sound corny, but it’s true.

This time was no different.

My husband and I love to travel.

Our latest venture was to Las Vegas.

AKA Sin City.

America’s Playground.

Call it whatever you wish, it is full of energy and life.

We also learned of some of the hidden gems this last time…hidden in the desert.

To escape the hustle of the city for a day, we decided to rent a car and visit Mt Charleston and hiked to the top of Cathedral Rock. It was about a 30 minute drive out of the city.

We left Vegas, a sweltering 91 degrees and ended our hike at 53 degrees!

Quite a temperature change.

But, that wasn’t the lesson…..

Not at all.

The lesson was in the climb.

You see, I consider myself a pretty “fit” person.

I crossfit 4-5 times a week, along with other workouts and didn’t have any concerns about a 1.4 mile hike.

The 1.4 mile hike surprised me.

It was an hour long…one way.

We began the hike with excitement and energy, flirting and chatting along the way.

We stopped for photo ops, a quick glance at the view, all the while thinking this would take 30 minutes at best.

The air, as we walked, seemed to become thinner. We were increasing in altitude.

I could not get a full breath, which was making this “casual” hike feel more like a workout.

We joked that we could be champion box jumpers or win some kind of lunge contest when we returned to our gym, as our legs were on fire 🔥.

Box jumps got nothin on us!

So as we hiked, I felt like God literally started putting fears in front of me.

On the path.

I’m finally getting acclimated to the air…now we climb higher and my air is depleting.

I’m comfortable with the twists and turns. Oh, don’t look down now?!

There is a huge drop off into never land!

And finally…we have to be near the top,right?

As some people were coming down, we asked them.

No where near the top. 😩

I wanted to turn around.

I was done.

This is not fun anymore.

This is vacation! I don’t want a mental challenge.

But, I must go on 💪🏻

I must have sounded similar to an 8 year old in the back of the car.

“Are we there yet”?

“How about now?”

“Now?”

And then, reflection… as my mindset came back around.

What am I internally complaining about?!

Like, seriously…wth is wrong with me?

How lucky am I that I GET to do this?

I get to be here!

At this moment. In this time.

My legs work. My heart is pumping(hard, I might add).

And I am able to see another masterpiece created by our God.

So I thought to myself…you know, this climb is much like LIFE.

We embark on many new journeys throughout the course of our lives.

From jobs to relationships.

Moves to illnesses.

Crisis to success.

And they all have the climb in common.

We start out positive, with a pocket full of possibilities and energy. Then, something goes wrong.

Maybe a slip on the rocks, maybe a fall.

Then we wonder why we started the climb up this awful mountain in the first place, am I right?

I mean, if I go back to the bottom, no one will know.

I was comfortable there.

Before I laced up my shoes, got into the car and onto the trail, my life was FINE.

I want to go back.

What if?

What if?

And now the air becomes thinner and it’s getting harder to breathe.

The symbolism there is the lack of money, security or trust.

We want the air.

We want the comfort.

But, think about this…

Do you want that more than the view at the top?

Some do.

And that is ok.

But, it wasn’t ok for me. (And I do mean that in so many ways)

So, I kept on climbing.

I will see the sun set over this mountain that I may never be able to visit again. And I will feel the euphoria when I realize my goal and that I had the power inside the entire time.

The fear tried to dissolve it, but the fire burned hotter.

The lesson in this story is easy, my friends.

It’s about the climb.

Keep looking up at your goal. Don’t lose sight.

You will slip on the rocks. You will get tired. You will gasp for air. You will want to turn around to go back to your car and slip off your shoes.

But guess what?

If you do,

And you may …

You will miss the joy of stepping onto the peak, where the possibilities are endless and the success is sweet.

Go get it.

Keep climbing.

The best advice?

Bring along a jacket and a big bottle of water 😉

Much love,

Linda 🌲

Anything is possible when you use the power within🌲

I wake up on this day, each year, with a lump in my throat. Tears end up streaming down my cheeks and I have this intense need to help someone.

Today is no different.

16 years.

16 years have gone by.

I didn’t personally know any of the souls that passed on, but I still feel the pain inside.

I cry because I can’t imagine the pain of the people that did…the people that lost a loved one.

And I definitely cannot wrap my mind around the strength and faith it has taken to carry on …

I came across a quote last week that went something like this…

“If you lost it all tomorrow, what would you miss about today?”

It really made me think.

So many things for me.

And strangely enough, all the simple day to day things came to mind.

My warm cup of coffee when I awake. My family. My dog. My close friends. My cozy pajamas. Running water. Food.

And it gets more simple from there…..the air that I breathe, and just…life.

If it was all taken away….I’m not really sure how you’d go on??

Then, last night, as my husband and I watched a television show about 9/11, I began to think.

I wondered how that morning went for the thousands of souls that never walked through their front door again.

Was their morning ordinary?

A kiss on the cheek for the wife they would never see again?

The typical “running around the house” kind of morning?

The wave as your child got onto the bus?

I wondered what their last words spoken to family or friends had been.

I wondered if they had lived a life they were satisfied with.

It brought about so many thoughts and questions about how I am living this very moment.

Because none of us truly know when our last day here will be.

Had I said “I love you” enough?

Was my word golden?

Did I do the right thing then or there?

Has my life been a life lived to the fullest or just days crossed off on the calendar?

I find,sometimes, that in this busy world, it is easy to be the hamster on the wheel. Running as fast as we can, no end in sight, and not having a clue where we are headed or why the hell we are running so fast!!!

It’s days like today, my friends.

Days like today.

It’s time to stop running.

Stop running long enough to “SEE”.

The souls that we lost on this day lived LOUD.

The stories and witnesses have proved that. They were heroes….in every sense of the word.

They fought until their last breath.

They saved others.

They said their “I love you’s”.

They lived to the fullest.

They will always have my utmost respect for all they gave on that day.

So very much was lost.

Life, hopes, dreams, time.

But we ROSE. Literally, out of the ashes.

We rose and kept their legacies and memories alive. We rose by changing how we lived. We rose by how we viewed others. We rose because we survived.

I will never forget.

I wasn’t there.

I didn’t know each of you.

I didn’t feel your fear.

I didn’t have your courage.

I was at home, with my 4 young children when I heard the news.

I wept for you.

With you.

And because of you.

I DO know you left a mark.

An impact that will never be forgotten.

So, this morning, for the 16th year, I will bow my head to pray for your souls, your families, your friends.

I pray that your lives were examples for those around you.

I pray that the world will know peace.

I pray for healing.

And I pray that we will never forget what you gave🇺🇸

Because, I will never,ever forget you.

Much love,

Linda