After much reflection, the past few days, I wanted to “piggyback ” on my last blog…in regards to JOY.

Surviving childhood trauma has taught me many things, and most of the time, I am grateful for all I endured. I don’t talk about it much anymore, as I feel I have outgrown it. However, every once in awhile, the resentment for what “they” put me through comes about. 

My friend and I were talking, the other day, about how difficult it can be to feel and accept JOY. We chatted about how our similar backgrounds really make it difficult for us to know true happiness…..even if it’s staring us in the face. 

We both are successful, have built very comfortable lives, and in the eyes of the world, have it all. So, why won’t we allow ourselves to “feel” it?

Well, in “self diagnosing” ourselves, we realized that as young people, whenever something good was brought to us or happened to us, something horrific usually followed. As a child, you thrive on routine and certain things become a part of your world. 

I got an “A” on my test and Dad beat up Mom tonight.

 I made the cheerleading team…and they got drunk tonight.

 I got asked to prom and now Dad got arrested. 

You see? 

Great things can’t be enjoyed without great sacrifice. And these are learned behaviors. 

And they take a lot of strength to “unlearn”. 

In my adult life, I feel like life is going very well….but I only allow my JOY to be at about 60%…..just in case. Wouldn’t want to jinx anything. I want to live loud, at 110%!!!!! So, it appears I may have some growing to do. 

I have found in my recent journey, as I break through psychological barriers, that I want that happiness. I want the screaming excitement with every surprise, I want the dramatic overflow of love for my family to be felt, I want to jump for JOY…literally. And I have decided, no matter how much it frightens me, I will. I will do it! I can handle the good with bad, because life as we know it, will happen anyway. 

So why have I been wasting so much time on worrying???? Because that is what I had been doing for 42 years….worrying and living in fear. 

My last bike ride was so freeing and mind Blowing to me. I allowed myself to enjoy the moments of true JOY and nothing bad happened that day, or the next, or over the weekend. I am learning to allow my emotions of happiness to come and remembering to feel safe. 

God is in control. 

In telling my husband these intimate details of how I feel, he questioned it….because he doesn’t understand. And that, is ok. He was brought up with safety, love, assurance and consistency. Like all of the innocent children should be. But, unfortunately, that is not real life. Everyone has a different circumstance and comes from a unique background that doesn’t always allow for that. 

I hope that you, the reader, can’t fathom this either. I hope that you grew up feeling safe and sound. 

But, for those who endured, I know you know exactly what I am speaking of. We are always in “fight or flight” mode. 

And it is for you, that I write this. It is for your empowerment that I share my inner demons. 

We survived. 

It doesn’t matter how, or to what degree, how long it has taken us, or how many mistakes we have made along the way. It matters that we are HERE. 

What I plan to do for the rest of my days is enJOY the freedom, I so longed for as a child. I plan to taste the success in all I have accomplished, bask in the sunlight on a warm day, laugh out loud at life’s follies and LIVE. 

I didn’t fight so hard to escape my old life to be a prisoner of the new one. 
Ride that bike…WITH NO HANDS!!!  Break free of the barriers that hold you back!!!!

And feel the JOY☀️☀️☀️☀️…it’s in every breath we take. 
Much love💜

Linda 

So, I rode my bike today. No big thang. 

Although it was. 

You see, I got that bike as a birthday gift 3 years ago, hoping to get into shape. I thought that if I did something I loved doing, it would be easy to exercise on a regular basis.

 Ha! I am a comedian. 

I enjoyed riding the bike on the flat part of the bike trail, near our home and sometimes a little farther. But you see, there was this hill I had to ride up before I could enjoy the flat part. And, unfortunately, I always ended up walking my bike. I could never seem to get up that hill. 

Grrrrrr. 

I had been riding the bike faithfully for a few weeks…why couldn’t I just ride up the damn hill?

 Well, for one, I was out of shape. Probably in the worst shape of my life. I was about 40 pounds heavier than I am today, and I really didn’t eat well. I also didn’t truly work out. I mean, you can’t ride a bike once a week for 20 minutes, or walk the dog casually and expect great results. 

So, I changed. 

I joined a crossfit gym, then started eating clean, then continued to change my life, in all sorts of unexpected ways. 

There’s obviously a lot more in between, but you get the picture. 

I was able to get up that hill, last summer, for the first time ever. At the top of the hill (it’s more of an incline, and if you saw it, you’d think I was pathetic)…I was elated. 

I did it. I conquered the hill!

There’s a lot of symbolism with this story as you can tell. 

The climb is always hardest just before it gets level, the feeling of exhilaration when you reach a goal(the top), I could go on. But, I won’t. 

I know you get it. But, in order to change or excel…you really need to get it💥

So, back to today.

 Almost 3 summers ago, I started taking control over my health, my strength and my life. And as I was riding my bike today, in the beautiful sunshine, I felt JOY. I felt free, like I was flying. 

I always Listen to music as I ride, as it takes me even farther away. Today, the song “Somewhere over the rainbow” came on. 

I smiled as big as a young child as the phrase, “Someday I’ll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me” played. I was riding that bike, with the wind in my face,  thinking of how far I have come. 

No more soaking through my clothes, having to stop halfway and turn back, no huffing, just freedom. I also noted that I hadn’t given up on ME. 

I can’t exactly put into words the pride I felt at that moment, when I realized I had fought so hard for what I wanted, where I wanted to be…physically and mentally. 

And now, this is me. 

The bike, the hill, the struggles in between. 

We are meant to be where we are at this very moment for a specific reason. 

My gratitude for the climb is endless. 

I will ride again tomorrow.

 I WILL go farther. 

I WILL go faster. 

And those clouds?

 From now on, they WILL stay far behind me. 

Go after what you want, friends. 

We all have to start at the Beginning….🌈
Much love,

Linda ❤

I went to our hometown bakery today to get some eclairs and donuts, as an end of the school year treat for my youngest children.

It’s something I have done many times. 

I ran into the bakery, on a mission, as if to cross it off of my to do list. 

I chose 2 eclairs, 2 cream filled bismarks and then… 2 sprinkled donuts. 

And then it hit me. We always ordered “sprinkled donuts”. 

The lady at the counter chatted nicely, as I told her why I was there. 

“I’m getting some “end of the year” treats for my “little” ones”, I said politely. And I realized, they weren’t so little anymore and this would be the last “end of the year” donut run that I would ever do for my son, who graduates high school this week. 

Huh. 

And the tears came. I had been wondering where they were. I mean, after all, I feel like I spent a good 6 months with swollen eyes before the other 2 graduated. 

I explained to the lady that when my children were younger, this bakery was a special place for us to go. 

They’d choose wisely…1 treat each. We’d walk there and back, anticipating the delightful donuts the whole way. 

What that lady doesn’t know, and what I chose not to share, was how many memories this last trip brought back to me. 

Back then,I had been recently divorced, in the beginning of the recession, fighting to survive on my commission based career, with 4 young children.  

Those donuts symbolized normalcy. 

You see, we used to get donuts every weekend as a family before it all changed. And it was so important for me to somehow keep that alive. 

So, today, as I walked out of that bakery, I burst into tears. 

Surprisingly, not out of sadness, but for the success. The growth, the amazing changes that have come from it all. 

My children are no longer “little ones”, I survived the recession and divorce, and my children showed me…once again….how very crucial the simplest things in life can be. 

Thank you, Nory, Lamb, Sir and Goo… for the absolute honor of being your mother.

 I would scrounge up those quarters, eat off of the plastic utensils and never stop fighting…all over again, for you❤

Who would have ever imagined, all those years ago, how much a simple trip to the bakery would mean?

And once again, I wouldn’t change a thing. 

It is truly the smallest things that take up the most room in your heart. 

When my children were younger, I would sometimes call my Mom to vent on her.

“I don’t know how I can keep doing this!”, I would say. She would laugh and say, “Enjoy it, and whatever you do, don’t blink.”

What?

Great advice, Mom. Great advice. 

Looking back, it sure was. 

 My 4 children, all under the age of 6, could be quite overwhelming for me at times. Their dad worked a lot(mainly 3rd shift),I ran an in home daycare(10-12 hours a day),and was going to school to be a real estate agent, along with the many responsibilities of a mother. 

I was exhausted. 

Every night, I would go to bed and fall asleep the moment my head hit the pillow….only to be woke up shortly after by the cries of one of my babies. Ok, baby asleep….and now someone needs water….or a diaper change…..or to be cuddled from a bad dream. 

Exhausted. 

But, every time I told my mom how “awful” it was, she’d just say, “Don’t blink”. I remember thinking she could at least offer some helpful advice instead of saying the same “lazy” phrase. 

What I now know is that she meant for me to enjoy it. All of it. 

The sleep deprived state, their tiny little hands, the need for mama’s arms, even the 8th time my little man would sneak out of his bed each night. 

My little man opened the front door to leave for school this morning. We always hug and say “I love you”,  “Have a great day”, “Bye Baby”.  I started to say that and then stopped. I said,”Hey, wait. Only a few more days that you will walk out that door to go to school.”

I welled up with the thought. 

My baby boy will graduate high school next week. 

When did that happen?? 

He used to walk around in his little red alien sleeper and dance to the Wiggles songs. 

I now know what my Mom meant when she advised me to not blink. 

My baby grew up, right before my very eyes. He changed and emerged and became this amazing, outstanding, handsome young man. 

You’d think it wouldn’t affect me….I’ve had 2 children graduate before, right?

 Wrong.

 Each beautiful baby holds a special place in this mama’s heart. They have each shaped my soul and the way my eyes perceive the world.  It has been my greatest joy and blessing watching them grow. 

But, just like so many of us mamas, busy with life……I blinked. 

I cleaned the house on a sunny day, I had to cook dinner, had to go to work. I sometimes wonder what I missed. 

But, as time marches on, I realize, I cannot go back. I can only relish in the memories of their baby smells, their pure, innocent laughter and hope and pray that I clothed them in the strength, confidence and hope that I tried so hard to. 

Time. 

It’s the one thing we can’t control, want so much more of, and sometimes we feel so robbed by.  

When my baby boy walks down the aisle, next week, in his purple cap and gown, I will remember it all❤

His beautiful eyes, the bond we feel every time he gives his random hugs(just because), “Bob the Builder”, playing soccer in the yard, riding bikes together, antiquing, learning to drive, and very soon…….I will watch him leave the “nest” to fly. 

Time has given me SO much to hold onto. 

But, I promise you, if I could go back ….in TIME…

I would not 

BLINK 😉
Sending huge congratulations to the graduates and huge hugs to all the mamas out there. 

Much love, 

Linda💜

As a young girl, growing up, I was afraid of ALOT of things. From what I have learned, I believe it was because of the lack of security I had at home. Looking back, they were kind of “odd” fears, but they were very real in my world. 

Yes, I was one who believed there was a monster in my closet, ready to jump out any time I wasn’t looking…so, I stared at my closet door every night until I fell asleep. “He” knew I was onto him…haha…and didn’t dare show his face when I was watching. Never actually saw the monster….imagine that😉.

I was (and still am) afraid of spiders. That fear has almost gotten worse as an adult.  I will never forget reading that we SWALLOW x amount of spiders 🕷 a year… while we sleep. Yuk! Gross! So, yeah…not a fan of creepy crawlies. 

And, last but not least, we can’t forget thunderstorms! 

The black skies, the unexpected booms of thunder, the wind, and lightning….that can strike ANYWHERE and ANYTIME ⚡️….not cool.

 So, as a little girl, I prepared for the worst case scenario. I mean, that’s what all 8 year olds do, right?

 Well, when you are a child of an alcoholic home you do. 

When there was a threat of a storm, I got ready. I packed my backpack with all of my special things,some snacks, and even put my pup on her leash so if a tornado touched down, she wouldn’t blow away!

 True story. 

You see, when you grow up with uncertainty swirling and twirling around you every day and night, you learn to hunker down for every….single…possible…..STORM 🌪🌪.

But, I’m here to tell you, you can learn to embrace change and conquer your fears💪🏻   

I’ve enjoyed listening to the thunder and rain this morning, as I write this, reflecting on how much things have changed. 

I’ve learned a lot in 42 years. One of my greatest triumphs came to mind as the lighting struck earlier this morning. 

Sometimes in life, the clouds cover up the sun and the winds start to blow. The sky turns gray and the lightning flashes without warning. And, it seems as when we are least prepared, the funnel touches down and tears apart all we have worked so hard to control. 

I’ve learned to leave my backpack behind, friends. I’ve learned to lean on God. He can and will allow me to sit out the storm, protect me during it, and if I am forced to go out into it….I know he’s holding the umbrella 🌂. 

I’m not afraid of storms anymore. Now, I watch with anticipation and listen for the sirens to go off. 

I am ready for whatever “this one” may bring. 
I’d like to share one of my favorite lines in a song with you today. 

“I can’t stop the rain from falling, but I will hold you til it goes away”. 

He’s got us…….every single second of each day. 
Much love, 

Linda 🌈

I wake up very early each morning…..3:57 am, to be exact. I make myself a cup of coffee, settle into my favorite chair and meditate or pray before my 5am crossfit class. 

Today was no different. 

As I was sitting in my chair, sipping my coffee, a glimmer of light caught my eye. 

It was the beautiful moon, shining through the trees. 

I kind of laughed to myself and said “Hmm…I have forgotten to look at the moon”.

Recently, there have been a lot of changes in my world.  And for those who know me well, Change and I don’t get along. Change=Anxiety. 

There have been unexpected twists in my job, getting settled back into the house, the kids running in different directions and….the laundry still needs to be done. Ugh. 

Why do we get so caught up?…..in the stars ✨??

You see, I realized this morning, that I was worrying about all of these tiny things(the stars) and lost my focus on what really matters…the big picture (the moon).

So, I did a mind reset. 

I remembered how blessed I am, how far I have come. 

I looked at the glistening bright light and in gratitude, gave thanks. 

For my health, my family, all of my blessings. The things that would devastate me if they were no longer there. And somehow, I saw that big, beautiful moon again, with a different set of eyes. 

You see, the stars will always be there, twinkling, and reminding us of the night…..just like the never ending “to do lists”.  They don’t add value to our days, they are just there.

  But, the huge, glowing moon, staring us in the face, like our blessings we have every day….those are the things we need to pay attention to. 

I am so thankful for that beautiful reminder this morning. 

Cheers to you, Man in the Moon 🌙!
Much love,

Linda 💜

Love the quote below….AMEN❤

“I survived”. 

That is the text my trainer received from me yesterday, after returning home from a “family reunion” of sorts and one of our best friend’s wedding. 

There was the visit to the brewery on Thursday night, the fajitas, the wedding cake, the wine, the candy, the birthday cake and oh, we can’t forget…. the burgers. 

Yes, I missed it all. 

Or, did I?

I sat with my husband, daughter and her boyfriend while they drank the beer. I had water(warm, actually). I smiled and wildly chewed my gum as they all ate the cheesecake and then I  filled up on another club soda and lemon 🍋…”On the rocks, please”.

Now, I will admit, while boiling my eggs and preparing my shake bottles on Wednesday night, I was nervous. How in the hell am I going to just eat this and drink water while my hilarious, fun, crazy group of friends and family party on?

I won’t have any fun. 

But, you know what? I actually did!!

I danced and had amazing conversations, observed, smiled, felt, enjoyed and made memories. And, woke up the next morning feeling amazing…..unlike a few others 😉. 

I reflected on our drive home yesterday, feeling, at first, a bit resentful. I wondered, did I miss out? I mean, I didn’t have any cake or beer and don’t they say in order to really live, we should eat dessert first?? Haha. Na. Not anymore!

My way of living may be misunderstood by some, but I am growing into it. 

I am sacrificing now, so I don’t end up sacrificing what I truly want in this life. 

It’s a long road, with mental challenges, but I stayed strong and “survived” the situation. And for that, I became stronger. 

You see, we sometimes tend to forget that sometimes the toughest challenges can reward us with the greatest results. 

I guarantee you…I won’t be thinking of that piece of wedding cake I didn’t get to devour when I am where I want my Mind and Body to be. 

I’ll remember the challenge, smile at the success and remember that I sacrificed something small to be the biggest and best ME. 

Have a restful Sunday evening, friends. 

And remember….you’re stronger than you think you are 🎂🍿🍹🍭…. trust me!
Much love,

Linda 💜

This morning should be like any other.

 But it’s not. 

You know how you can wake up on a cold, cloudy day and have that junky attitude? Nothing seems to go right and everyone seems to be grumpy. Then, the sun peeks out through the clouds mid day and your whole perspective shifts? 

That’s today. The sun is out and the perspective has shifted☀️.

Yesterday, after 3 weeks of slumbering at my in laws(because we were having wood floors put in), I slept in my own bed last night. 

What a wonderful feeling!

I missed my home. My sanctuary. My safe place. 

My attitude started to shift the other day when we were gathering our things to head home. I felt excitement and gratitude. How lucky am I to have a place to call home, to be happy and content? Very. 

And now, after having to give that up for a period of time, I am even more grateful. 

It’s the simple things. Like using my blender for my shake this morning, going to the kitchen for my morning coffee and getting ready in my bathroom. I love my home. 

You see, for me, this is the first “house” that has ever felt like home. Growing up, my house was dangerous and scary. The places I lived as a young woman, never seemed to feel right. But now, life has aligned me with the right person(my husband), the perfect location and just the right feel. 

You know, I always tell my clients that they’ll know the moment they have found their house. “You’ll walk in the front door and just be HOME.”  

And today, I am. 

I realize that we each move through our days and slide into our routines. The sun rises and sets. The door opens and closes. In and out. Up and down. 

But more importantly, what I realized from my extended absence from home, is how much we take for granted. 

Today will not be like the others.  And I will practice for tomorrow to be full of gratitude and goodness as well. 

I’m a 90s chick 🐥 and there’s a song by Cinderella(a heavy metal band) that comes to mind. 

“Don’t know what you’ve got, til it’s gone”. 

I can see the huge hair and hear them serenading me this morning. Haha. 

This morning is not like any other. 

Because today, I am HOME 🏡 
Appreciate what you have, friends. From the simple little routines, to the air that you breathe. 

Be blessed☀️

And a huge thank you to my generous Mama D and Papa T for their hospitality. Love them more than words can say. 

When you are happy for no reason, you become free. 

I’m tasting the freedom today🦋
Much love,

Linda 💜

There’s a children’s book that goes something like this….in a tiny town, there is a tiny house, in that tiny house lives a tiny family…. and so on and so forth. Anyone remember that?

Well, in all my years showing and selling homes, I’ve come to the conclusion that you really, truly have no idea what is going on inside the four walls in others homes or what others are dealing with in their day to day lives. Everyone’s home has a different feel, everyone’s world is turning at a different speed. And sometimes, what appears to be reality….is not. 

Lately, so many struggles have come to the surface for so many people. So much pain, so many secrets unfolding. As I sit there and read it, see it, or hear it, there is a phrase screaming in my head. 

“Be kind, for you never know the battle someone is fighting”.

And you know what? You don’t. 

From cancer to divorce, addictions, and “real life” struggles. 

It’s so eye opening. 

In a world where Facebook and social media paints the perfect picture,on a daily basis, it’s a gentle reminder that we are all human. We are all torn and tattered. We all have scars. And in my opinion, that is what makes us beautiful. 

It also brings me back to the center. The center of it all. 

Each day is not a “given”.  We may not wake up tomorrow. If today seemed calm, in an instant, tomorrow may turn into chaos. We have very little control of so many things, that is why we have to fight so hard to control our own minds. To practice empowering our heads so we are ready to handle anything….with grace. 

And to also appreciate the calm, so we can weather the storms. 

When I see or hear of others struggles, my first instict(because of who I am), is to panic for them. I am an empath so their pain becomes mine, in a sense. I have learned to detach from that, however, and just pray. 

God’s got it. 

That’s what gets me through. It gives me the strength to show up for them, be their rock, or just listen. 

So, please be kind. 

On a lighter note, there are so many triumphs that I have witnessed. Beating the addiction, weddings, births, and growth. 

Life is truly a journey. It’s path is scattered with flowers and rainbows, and other times, devastating tornadoes that stop your life in its tracks. 

The success comes in how we handle this life. What we learn and how we endure. 

That’s the real test. 

I’d say, we’re all doing a damn good job with what we have been given. 

And I plan to use the lessons I have learned to do an even better job showing up for this life, in every sense. 

To be a better friend, mom, wife, and renovator. 

Start building from within, friends. We already have the tools💜

Have a fabulous weekend and as you go through today, maybe go out for dinner tonight…don’t judge…be kind and SEE…. for what you think is reality(within these walls), may not be.  
Much love,

Linda 💜

These last 2 weeks have been hard. As I mentioned before, we are displaced due to home renovation, just as I began “Level 2” of my nutritional journey. What am I thinking??????

This past Saturday, I woke up to my 4am alarm, ready to hit the gym with an empty stomach, to conquer the treadmill.  I woke up feeling weak and exhausted. My body screamed, “Noooooo” and I listened. I reached out to my trainer to let him know I missed my workout and would go on Sunday. Sunday came and more of the same followed. Not only am I exhausted, but I am pissed off, on the verge of tears, and I just want a FUCKING CUPCAKE or even a beer!!!!!!😩

Trust me, there isn’t an Emogi out there to describe my rage. I am hangry. And now, I’m pissed. I have forgotten my WHY. 

I worked most of the weekend, as real estate agents often do…the whole time focusing on my pain. Not literal pain, more like entitlement, squashed expectations on how this journey would go down, and how badly I wanted chocolate. 

How was my weekend?  Shitty. 

And I don’t really ever say that. 

I am starving, tired and….big mistake here…”I don’t LOOK” any different. You see, I forgot my WHY. I didn’t sign up for this disciplined way of life to look different, I’m not on a weight loss challenge.  I am out to crush my inner demons. You know, the voices from the past….telling me how bad I suck at life, how little I am worth and how much I CANNOT DO. I call bullshit. On myself. 

WHY? Why am I doing this? So many have asked. This is my why…..

“To be better and stronger and more in tune with Linda than my soul has ever been. To know my worth and the strength I have to offer to others. To erase my fathers voice forever.”

And keep in mind, friends, this is only step one. 

My trainer, Dave, is a pretty special guy. He knows me very well.  Which, I feel, is so crucial to this type of challenge. He calmed me and reminded me of my goals yesterday and had me come in to do a body scan(to evaluate my progress) today. I hate when he is right.  “Consistency, sacrifice and hard work always pays off.” Right, Dave? 

 Yes, it does.

 I am back on track and on fire again. Ready to embrace the suck. 

And then there’s my “forever friend”, Joan. This lady is a powerhouse, but just doesn’t know it yet. She is on a journey of her own and is seeing amazing results….in so many areas of her life. She is becoming empowered, stronger and changing in so many ways that she is now impacting the lives of those around her. She sent me an emotional text this morning, reminding me what I have given to her and the impact I am making…..she has no idea how that made my morning. “Thank you” are 2 very powerful and moving words. 

It’s a ripple effect……and it is so beautiful.  

You see, what Dave gave to me and what I learned last year(Level 1), I gave freely to Joan, who will now continue to share with her people, and so on and so forth.

What I have seen in the midst of my darkness, is that there is light.  It’s mind blowing to me the “Angels” that show up when you need them the most. Today, there names are Dave and Joan💜.

When my wings won’t work, they help me to fly. When my heart is heavy, they remind me of the love and support that surrounds me. Angels. They do walk among us. 

I found this quote below shortly after I finished my workout this morning. It gave me power and stirred something inside. 

I hope it does for you today, too.  

Without the pain(which can be various things), there can be no rising. 

I have decided to feel it, embrace it, sit with it and make it a part of me. Then, when I have reached my goals, it will no longer control me. 

Remember, First the pain, then the Rising.  Check out Glennon Doyle Melton….she’s got game, and some amazing advice. 
Be blessed and empowered today my friends!

Renovate and RISE 🦋🦋🦋

Much love,

Linda💜